Supporting Your Child's Interests

http://chatnotes-unschooling.blogspot.pt/2014/02/supporting-your-childs-interests.html

Sandra's notes for today's chat:

"Robin Bentley will be speaking at Life is Good in late May, and wants to run some ideas by the group and through the group this Wednesday. She said she wants to provide ideas about how and why and what, but also what a parent can learn from supporting their kids. Not just about the child's interests, but maybe about themselves, too."

Robin B. joined the chat

Rippy joined the chat

Robin B.: Just a note before we begin. I might be using any or all of this chat in my talk somehow. I won't use names if you ask me not to use yours (I can illustrate ideas without names). I won't use your particular situation, if you prefer me not to. Thanks!

Rippy: Hi Robin! We chose the same color. Do you want me to change?

Robin B.: No, that's okay, Rippy. Maybe I'll be different today!

Rippy: Okay 

Robin B. joined the chat

Robin B.: There!

jihong joined the chat

Rippy: Cool! I'm new to chatting (not a very convenient time for me), so I'm not sure I'd be as quick. 

Robin B.: Hi Jihong.

jihong: Hi, Robin. Long time no "chat." 

jihong: Hi, Rippy.

Robin B.: Glad to see you here, Rippy!

Rippy: Hi Jihong and Robin!

Rippy: Robin, you're Canadian right?

Robin B.: I know! By the way, thank you for sharing your experience with your passion for tanks. I felt a bit weepy for you.

Robin B.: Yes, I am! You, too!

Robin B.: And Jihong lives in Canada part of the time.

jihong:  Thanks Robin.

Rippy: Yes! Born in SK, first home in BC and lived most of my life in Alberta!

Rippy: Where do you live when you're in Canada, Jihong?

jihong: Me too, canadian. But the canadian passport costs so much money now! Just spent close to $300 on one!

jihong: Oh, Rippy you are not in Netherland?

Rippy: Holy Moly. I let mine expire. I used to like having both, but that was one of the first budget cuts I made once I became a stay at home mom.

Marta Pires joined the chat

Robin B.: I'm keeping mine.  Even though we live in the U.S.

Marta Pires: Rippy, you're here!!! Woohoo!

Marta Pires: 

Marta Pires: Hi everyone!

Rippy: I live in the Netherlands now, but was born and raised in Canada. Still feel very Canadian. 

Robin B.: Hi, Marta.

Rippy: I thought I'd give it a go, since I'm not sure about next weeks. I might be able to make part of it.

jihong: I see. Hi, Marta, long time no "see" here.

Marta Pires: Jihong, you're here too!

Marta Pires: 

Marta Pires: Rippy, it'll be great if you can make it. The chats are usually super!

jihong: Yes! Usually we have piano lesson but got postponed today, so I can make it to the chat today. Yeah!

jihong: I will try to meet you this December too.

Marta Pires: Really??? Cool!!!

jihong: I will try. 

Rippy: I've only been to a couple of chats, but I've always liked them.

Robin B.: Rippy, where in Saskatchewan were you born?

jihong: Or you and Sandra drive down to Texas? 

Rippy: Do you let people know when you need to walk away for a while, or does it not matter?

Robin B.: Doesn't matter. We know folks have things to attend to sometimes.

Rippy: Robin, I was born in Broadview. Just a little town. My aunt used to live there. It was close to Regina. The hospital didn't even have a real address. It was something like RR5 something something...

Robin B.: Unless you're in the middle of answering a question, I guess. 

Robin B.: Wow. Prairie girl!

jihong: If we take the transatlantic cruise this May, it will stop in lisbon for a day 

Robin B.: Ooh, that sounds like fun, Jihong.

Marta Pires: Hehe, we might think about it! 

jihong: Yes, I can see Marta again.

Rippy: But I was only born there. My mom and dad lived in Kamploops, BC and since my mom didn't have any other family (female relatives), my dad sent a pregnant mom to SK for me to be born.

Robin B.: Ha!

Rippy: So not such a prairie girl, but we visited each summer!

jihong: Where is SK?

jihong: Saskatchewan?

Rippy: Saskatchewan.

Rippy: Exactly.

Robin B.: I was born in Victoria, but grew up in Ottawa. Moved back to Vancouver in the late 70's.

Rippy: Jihong, where do you live when in Canada?

jihong: I used to live and work in Vancouver, then I moved my parents to Victoria. They are still there, we usually spend the summer there.

Robin B.: Celeste, we're chatting for a bit to wait for some folks. Feel free to ask a question before we get to the topic, if you have one.

Rippy: Do you still live in Vancouver, Robin? Or in the States now?

Rippy: Hi Celeste!

Celeste joined the chat

Celeste: Hey there 

SaraVaz joined the chat 

Robin B.: In WA, near Seattle. Moved here in 2004.

Robin B.: Hi Sara.

heatherbooth joined the chat

Robin B.: Hi Heather. (I'm your official Wal-Mart greeter <g>​).

Marta Pires: Ha, Robin!

JennyC joined the chat 

heatherbooth: Haha! Hi Robin!

Robin B.: And I'm almost old enough for that!

Robin B.: Hi Jenny!

JennyC: Hi all!

Jill Parmer joined the chat

Robin B.: Hi Jill!

Jill Parmer: Greetings all.

SaraVaz: Hi everyone! 

JennyC: We are talking about supporting interests right?

Robin B.: Aw. My husband just called me from on the road to apologize for being grumpy. He's so sweet.

JennyC: That's sweet!

Robin B.: My laptop crashed yesterday and with it all my work on his projects. Luckily we have it backed up, but it's a pain to restore and I will need a new computer.

Robin B.: So, he's feeling a bit stressed.

Rippy: That is stressful. 

Robin B.: Yeah. He was short and annoyed with everything this morning before he left. So the call was nice.

Marta Pires: My husband did the same today. He text messaged me apologizing for being grumpy too. He's under a lot of stress lately and he's really tired of his job...

Robin B.: Yes, Jenny. We will be talking about supporting interests. We'll wait for one more person, I think.

Robin B.: It's a good thing when partners can do that - apologize. And it's good to apologize to your kids, too.

Marta Pires: 

Sylvia Woodman joined the chat

AlexPolikowsky4 joined the chat

Sylvia Woodman: Hello!!!!

Sylvia Woodman: We have light! We have heat! We have internet! (and chocolate chip cookies!)

AlexPolikowsky4: Hello. Sorry I am late! Thanks Robin. I forgot! Was reading on facebook and playing with the kitty!

Robin B.: Cookies!

AlexPolikowsky4: Nice, Sylvia!

Robin B.: Okay, we have a quorum. 

AlexPolikowsky4: I just made lunch for the kids and me and sat down to eat a big chocolate muffin and play with the kitten while reading Facebook. Forgot about the chat!

Robin B.: I have a couple of questions, so bear with me while I get them.

JennyC: Quorum... this must be gamer speak.

AlexPolikowsky4: Quorum for voting so legalese too!

Robin B.: No, Roberts Rules of Order speak. 

Sandra Dodd joined the chat

Robin B.: It's easy to support interests your child has when you share them. It's fun! But what about the ones that challenge you, ones that you don't gravitate to. How did you find a way to love what your kid(s) love?

JennyC: Apologizing to my kids was a hard thing to do at first. I wanted to be right, dammit! Once I got over the ego thing and did it, it became easier and easier and I'm glad I figured that out early on!

Sylvia Woodman: I was thinking Roberts Rules!

JennyC: I've never heard of that!

Sylvia Woodman: My husband's family are all active Presbyterians and Roberts Rules are really big within the Presbyterian Church.

Robin B.: Parliament and organized groups run meetings with those, Jenny.

Sylvia Woodman: So we have a couple of copies of the book lying around and I flipped thru it. It's supposed to make things egalitarian and fair but if you aren't fluent in how they work, they can really be oppressive.

Robin B.: Anyone want to take a stab at the question?

JennyC: Yes, I just googled it!

Robin B.: How did you find a way to love what your kids love? (if you didn't at the outset)

Jill Parmer: About music that Addi likes and I didn't, she finds bands or songs that are not so heavy rap, and shared those with me.

Sylvia Woodman: Well, I like seeing them all lighted up.

heatherbooth: Austin and I had a conversation last night about how I can support his current love of Grand Theft Auto, the videogame. The majority of our conversations lately have been about the game and I don't feel like I am contributing to the conversation. I named some ways I could support him, like making sure his chair is always set up and comfortable and he said he really likes it when I do that.

Robin B.: That's cool, Jill. Maybe it's because you were always mindful of her preferences, that she's mindful of yours?

Jill Parmer: My kids don't knit, but they know how, and have had fun with it here and there. And they've always loved what I've made them.

Marta Pires: Sweet, Heather.

Jill Parmer: So true, Robin. It was all that sharing, and kindness that builds relationships, so we know each others preferences.

Jill Parmer: Sweet, Heather.

Robin B.: That's one of those consequences that people might not see when they're resisting what their kids love, Jill.

Robin B.: Heather, are there strategy guides for Grand Theft Auto that you could read?

AlexPolikowsky4: For a while my son was interested in guns and hunted pigeons in our farm. Now, I am terrified of guns and I do not like hunting.

With guns it was easy to embrace. Guns can be a piece of art. They can have a lot of history. The new technologies and such. I would listen to him talk about guns. I took him to Cabelas to look at guns! You know what, guns can be really cool and I have played video games and I LOVE big guns and shooting in games. SO many cool video game guns! Now, hunting pigeons break my heart as they mate for life so if you kill one the other will be alone and not find another mate. Problem is they carry some diseases and our calves die. It is very sad to have calves die and very expensive for us. So, it is a question of priorities and the calves trump the pigeons. So, I was excited when he got a one-kill shot and how he made sure the animal was dead so they did not just stay wounded and suffering. I was excited for him to be excited.

heatherbooth: He also really likes trivia games. I was thinking last night that since I don't feel like I can contribute to Grand Theft Auto conversations that I could make the effort to pull those games down. I ordered Lord of the Rings Trivial Pursuit this week.

Jill Parmer: I like lots of things, and I like seeing what my kids are doing, I'm not a downer, I look for ways I can contribute.

Robin B.: Or get for him?

Sandra Dodd: Marty liked all kinds of music—a broader range than others in our family. What I did about rap, which I don't like much, at first was to just be light and joke about it. I said "I'm afraid of that music." I think Marty was probably 10 or 11. He said "Why?" I said I was afraid it would make him want to steal cars. He laughed and said he was sure it wouldn't.

AlexPolikowsky4: So look at your child and love their love for it. Be excited because they are excited. If you look with an open heart and mind you may even find yourself liking whatever it is. I think guns are awesome and cool but I don't really want one. 

Robin B.: Alex, that would be a huge deal for some parents.

Sandra Dodd: Another time a year or two later I said, just in passing for some reason to others, "Marty likes that car-stealing music." "RAP," he said, and laughed.

Robin B.: 

Sandra Dodd: But when we were playing encore in teams, I always wanted Marty on my team because he knew all those lyrics and was fast to come up with them.

Marta Pires: Same here, Jill. I think it's easier for me because I like a lot of things and see an oportunity to learn in a lot of them. I feel a sort of openness and I think that helps too.

Jill Parmer: It is thrilling to me that Addi likes a broad range of music, too. When I was her age, it was only pop music for me.

Robin B.: For you World of Warcraft players, my dog sounds like a Murloc sometimes when he wants something. I wouldn't know that if I didn't get into WoW with Senna. It's something we can chuckle about.

Serah joined the chat

Rippy: Gisele got into makeup before I was ready for her to be into it. Maybe around 3 or so. If I hadn't been reading on Always Learning for a long time already, I could have made it a problem. But because I had already read other people's stories, experiences, ideas, it was a non issue in our family.

heatherbooth: Oh! I wonder if I could make some GTA trivia cards!

Serah: Hi everyone 

AlexPolikowsky4: Grand Theft Auto is a lot of fun. Try playing. Killing people and running them over is FUN! Seriously. Says me who is afraid of guns!

Sandra Dodd: And when Weird Al parodied rap songs, I would ask Marty to tell me about the originals and what jokes were in the parodied lyrics. He liked to share with me that way.

Robin B.: Oh, good idea, Heather!

Sandra Dodd: When I read in People Magazine that a young female hip hop singer had died, I brought him the article, and he looked up her best video and played it for me.

Jill Parmer: Yes, Marta. It's looking for the places and points you can connect with, rather than a blanket statement of, 'I hate that __________'.

Robin B.: "Killing people and running over them is FUN!" Words to be read *in context*. 

Marta Pires: Yes.

Sylvia Woodman: Oh Sandra - I do the reverse of that with Harry! He is always finding parody videos on Youtube and I hunt down the originals!

AlexPolikowsky4: Thing is that there is some awesome rap music with some awesome lyrics. I can totally appreciate it even if it was not something I liked to listen to.

heatherbooth: Looking at the Wiki page, I totally can!

Robin B.: When you hate something your kids loves, you lose a potentially shared thing. Like Sandra's quote about TV. I'll go find it...

Sylvia Woodman: My co LLL leader has a daughter who LOVES Barbies but the Mom HATES Barbies. It offends her feminist sensibilities.

Sandra Dodd: Holly was interested in makeup. I'm not, and am not good at helping people put it on. She wanted to wear makeup when she was nine, ten. Because she wasn't going to school (or church) it wasn't really much problem. So we let her. And I had two friends who were girly-moms but had daughters who were very much NOT into makeup and thought it was a waste of time and money. So those moms took my daughter out. One took her to Mac and bought her a couple of very expensive things. I reimbursed her, but she was fine if I hadn't because it was so fun for her to introduce someone to quality cosmetics. 

Jill Parmer: Oh yeah, Wikis remind me. If you don't like a game your kid is playing, you can look up information on the wiki of that game. And give lots of help with the information you find.

Sandra Dodd: Ren Allen sent her a box of samples, and one of the things was so great that Holly helped me find replacement supplies on Amazon after she ran out.

Robin B.: "If watching TV is his thing and complaining about TV is your thing,

you spoiled a chance to have a shared thing."

JennyC: Oh dear, poor kid! Chamille had a friend like that and everytime she came to visit, that was the ONLY thing she wanted to play and it wasn't Chamille's favorite thing, but she did it anyway.

Marta Pires: -=-Gisele got into makeup before I was ready for her to be into it. Maybe around 3 or so. If I hadn't been reading on Always Learning for long time already, I could have made it a problem. But because I had already read other people's stories, experiences, ideas, it was a non issue in our family.-=- Same here, Rippy! I always thought about Ren Allen everytime Conchinha wanted to paint her lips red!!!  She might become the next Portuguese Ren Allen...

AlexPolikowsky4: Sometimes just learning about something. Reading about the origin of Rap music, the social context and such can help one appreciate it.

It is the same with video games in a way for me. I am not a gamer. I may play here and there. But I appreciate games a ton because I learned about them. Getting to know something may lead you to love it. Even if I may never be a gamer. I still love it because my son loved it and I embraced it.

Sandra Dodd: When I was a kid there was a timeline laid out for me. I could get my ears pierced at 14, wear makeup at 15, date at 16. So I waited for those dates and DID those things. I did get to date earlier. But I wasn't very good at putting makeup on, and I lost interest in that pretty quickly.

heatherbooth: Alex, it's a one player game though. When he's playing it he's really into it and not interested in giving me a turn. I'll sit in the room with him and he'll show me things. It's not a game that pulls me to play when he's not around, like Skyrim.

Robin B.: Is there an ick factor for you, Heather?

Sandra Dodd: Holly got it out of her system before she was "old enough to wear makeup." So when she WAS a teen, it wasn't a burning desire. It was a calm part of a world of options. She can make herself up subtly, or blatantly, or artsily for a special occasion.

Jill Parmer: I was a little nervous about helping Addi, when she was into clothes and fashion. My sister is really into it, so that filled in a lot for me. And Addi would fill up shopping carts on clothing sites, and look and compare prices. Now Addi, will make alterations to patterns and I'll sew things for her.

AlexPolikowsky4: I do not play Grand Theft Auto but if you play for 5 minutes and kill some people and run over others you will see how fun it is!

Holly joined the chat

Robin B.: I sit with Senna when she battles characters in the Fire Emblem games and shout "KILL HIM!!!!"

AlexPolikowsky4: My daughter loves shoes and my sister does too. I told my sister that if Gigi is into shoes and bags they can go shopping together!

Sylvia Woodman: Also, before we had kids and really knew about Unschooling or anything kid related I was visiting a relative with young kids and her son was all interested in Pokemon (or maybe it was something else that involved trading cards and seemed kind of anameish) and she was all, "I don't understand this game at all and don't understand what he sees in it" and even then I had a small inkling that maybe she should try to find out. Nowadays whenever I hear about something new I check out Wikipedia IMMEDIATELY -- like maybe on my phone in the bathroom so I have some idea what they are talking about and I can hold up my end of the conversation. And that's for just some random person. For my CHILD I would put in 100 times more effort!

Jill Parmer: I played Sleeping Dogs, which is like Grand Theft Auto. I couldn't help but running over pixel-people  I was such a terrible driver.

Rippy: It's funny, Gisele has a bag full of makeup, but most of the time forgets to wear it.

Robin B.: Good idea, Sylvia. Being proactive!

AlexPolikowsky4: Robin this reminds me of this video - very sweet! 

JennyC: Sometimes, those parts of the game are the most fun. When my kids play the skate boarding games, they LOVE to make the character do really absurd things that break every bone in the body.

heatherbooth: Robin: Not really ick, but games with lots of shooting noises tend to stress me out. It's the constant rapid fire noises while in battle that overwhelm me. Skyrim is all swords and axes and bow and arrow. They are quieter when fighting with.

Sylvia Woodman: (I'm like that with makeup too! I like the idea of it but never remember to put the damn stuff on! LOL!)

Rippy: One way I supported Gisele is getting dressed up more often myself. Even though I rarely wear makeup, I wore more of it when we went out to a restaurant or to visit friends. She thought it was great fun getting dressed up together and doing makeup together.

JennyC: I find that the music, more than the weapon sounds, is what makes things intense for me.

Marta Pires: Sweet, Rippy.

JennyC: But it's intentional, on the game design.

Rippy: I also sometimes went all Bollywood and did the cat eye makeup on both of us and we got dressed up in our Indian clothes and jewelry and bindis and we'd put on Bollywood music and dance like we were actresses. She loves that stuff. 

heatherbooth: Well, maybe there is some ick actually. I've been watching him play and sometime something happens that makes me recoil. When I was playing skyrim I disabled the decapitaion kill because it was so shocking to me everytime. I didn't like it.

Robin B.: Oh, Alex. That video is cute! I love Jimmy Fallon.

AlexPolikowsky4: It is cute!

Sandra Dodd: Last night I took my iPad in to show Kirby something. This was the conversation:

Sandra Dodd: Watch me fight a pirate with my space ship. (and then he watched, but I died). That's the monkey king, I said. Kirby asked why the monkey king was so powerful. I said I don't know, he's new.

Sandra Dodd: I'm 60, and Kirby is 27, but we were talking about an imaginary monkey king whose ship could defeat a flying saucer, okay?

JennyC: Chamille was into make up early on too and she's still into make up. She does some amazing things with it and a lot is special effects and theatrical.

heatherbooth: GTA and Borderlands both are too loud. Maybe it is the music and gun noises together that overwhelm me. Malls overwhelm me, too. Too much noise.

Robin B.: I love that, Sandra!

Robin B.: Heather, could you wear noise cancelling headphones? Would that help?

Sandra Dodd: There are other things we could have been talking about, like his relationship with his girlfriend, but I need to NOT say things about that. They will figure it all out themselves, and the less I'm in his head about it, the better.

AlexPolikowsky4: Maybe it is because I am so excited about my kids and I am so into my kids that I find it easy to embrace what they love. Gigi just got me into RWBY, an american anime that you can watch on Youtube (that is where it comes out) and I absolutely LOVED it. And I cannot wait for season 2. I can see it with their eyes. I can see like I was a young child! I want to be those girls fighting monsters! So empowering!

Sandra Dodd: We could have talked about money when Keith and I die, but why? Maybe Kirby will die first. That happened with one of his uncles. No sense making TOO many plans, about things that might be 30 years from now.

Robin B.: Rippy, I like that you're doing those things with Gisele.

AlexPolikowsky4: Heather you can turn down sounds. I have played Borderlands and it is pretty cool!

AlexPolikowsky4: But I did because my son wanted it. I prefer to play Mario games but I will play games my son wants me to play and enjoy it.

Sandra Dodd: Marty and Holly introduced me to Flight of the Conchords. I ignored them at first. They insisted I would really like that stuff. They were right, but I was busy and distracted. I LOVE that stuff! And Marty said one day "There's another group called Tripod, kind of like Flight of the Conchords, but they're Australian." I love Tripod. 

Jill Parmer: Maybe it's my disposition, or what I've learned in World of Warcraft or Dungeons and Dragons... I've found that there's always some sort of move/action/step I can take to make things better.

Holly: Sandra listens to more comedy rap than I do now. <g>​

JennyC: 

JennyC: That's a [picture of] my daughter's eye make up for a night.

Robin B.: One of the things I've supported Senna in is her cosplaying. I've learned to make costumes (and my skills are okay, but not great yet), I know how to source things and really work hard to find the right accessories. I've made a sword. This year, she wants me to cosplay with her and her friends, as a group. I'm honored.

Holly: Heather, the Apple store overwhelms me. Sandra likes it there, I last about 10 minutes.

AlexPolikowsky4: That is awesome Robin!

Sandra Dodd: Probably so (hi, Holly!), and tonight Kirby and I are going to listen to a new Lonely Island song about semi-colons, because Holly told me about it. 

Robin B.: Jill, that's something you've learned from supporting your kids that you might not have. It reinforces that "moving towards better."

heatherbooth: Holly, the Apple Store is pretty bad for me too.

Robin B.: I watched Chamille spend almost a whole day to put together an outfit and costuming for a special performance at the club where she works, managing shows. I was blown away.

Rippy: Robin, it's funny, I've always been more of a tomboy. Once a philosophy professor asked us to define ourselves in a few ways and one of my self-definitions was 'avoider of pink'. Now I love pink and purple and sparkles and pokkadots. All of it makes me happy because I see how much Gisele shines when she sees that stuff. My little girl is turning me into a girly girl.

Robin B.: Jenny gave her her beautiful grandmother's dress to wear and it made the outfit!

Marta Pires: Rippy, if you guys make it to Lisbon in 2015, I definitely want to do this with you: -=-I also sometimes went all Bollywood and did the cat eye makeup on both of us and we got dressed up in our Indian clothes and jewelry and bindis and we'd put on Bollywood music and dance like we were actresses.-=-

AlexPolikowsky4: So I learned to love Anime because of my kids and I enjoy them. If I was to listen to some people that think anime is crap and it sexualizes girls (skimpy costumes and all) I would be missing on something I think is great!

Robin B.: "Avoider of pink!!"

Jill Parmer: My new Dungeons and Dragons dice are pink and purple! 

AlexPolikowsky4: Rippy I want to dress up and do make up Bollywood style!!! Now dancing I do not know if I can do it!

Rippy: That photo is awesome Jenny, I'll make sure to show it to Gisele.

Robin B.: It's interesting when I don't put my own viewpoints on things like sexualization of characters in anime. Senna has her own views on it and she shares them with me.

Robin B.: I love Bollywood!

AlexPolikowsky4: That is awesome Jenny!@ About Chamile.

Rippy: I can't dance either, Alex! Gisele loves making up her own moves and once I paid a dancer to give us a class together, but Gisele was about 4 and wanted the dancer to learn her (Gisele's) moves instead. Luckily I only paid for one lesson and then I was happy to let Gisele show me her moves and to learn from her.

Robin B.: Jenny, can you tell the group about something we've been talking about? How when you support your kids in what they love, how it might take them (and you) in places you never expected.

AlexPolikowsky4: Girls on anime are powerful! Strong and brave. I love that. They are not the weak sex!

Sandra Dodd: Kirby and Destiny share a love of video gaming. She used to work in a gaming shop, too.

AlexPolikowsky4: Nice Rippy! She can show me her moves too!

Robin B.: One thing that Senna has shared with me that I just love is TV Tropes. Holy cow! That's a rabbit hole for me about all the characters and shows and stuff she loves.

Marta Pires: Conchinha's the same. She wants to do her moves, not what other people are doing. 

Sandra Dodd: So the stereotype of a gamer boy who will never have a girlfriend hasn't held true here. If the gamer boy is cool enough, he might grow up to have a gamer-girl girlfriend. 

JennyC: Well, Chamille had a love of blood and that made me so uncomfortable and I didn't understand it at all.

Rippy: Maybe at one of the ALL symposiums she can do a workshop for the moms.  They are not official bollywood moves, they are just her happy interpretations.

Robin B.: Exactly, Sandra.

JennyC: But she would look for anime with blood and movies with blood and pictures with blood.

Rippy: TV Tropes? What is that?

Robin B.: I'll find a link.

JennyC: And it grossed me out but I watched and let it sink in a little.

Sandra Dodd: In England, there are bollywood dance classes for girls—not just Indian girls, but anyone. And they dress up and perform at little fetes and festivals, on the stage, just like gymnastics classes and little girls' dance classes do.

Robin B.: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/HomePage

Sandra Dodd: I saw about 30 girls all lined up doing a bollywood-style choreography.  No handsome leading man.

Holly: (I have a fiery passion for 1950s-60s rock and roll) A couple times in my teenaged-years, talking about music and such amongst other youths, and people would sort of raise an eyebrow and ask, like is that stuff your parents listen to?? Curious how I had exposure to a lot of Rock and Roll. Actually though, Sandra and I talk about mo-town and do-op a lot in real conversations. You can't have a real conversation with someone who, say, taught you everything on the subject. I have experience listening to bands from before I was born, that my mom doesn't have the same experiences with. (it sounds obvious, saying it now)

JennyC: I love Bollywood choreography!
JennyC: I love that hands are choreographed.

Sandra Dodd: Also, in England, there are cheerleading groups. No teams to cheer for, just cheerleaders, in American high-school-style cheerleading outfits.

Sandra Dodd: In the U.S., too, there are increasingly "cheerleading" groups and camps that are independent of a team or a school.

Sandra Dodd: "Cheerleading" as dance and performance.

Robin B.: Yes. Now there are cheerleading competitions that have nothing to do with teams or schools.

Sandra Dodd: Holly has discovered things about the music that I missed when it first came around.

Robin B.: Jenny, so you watched and let the blood sink in a little... 

Sandra Dodd: And somewhere I told the story of us hearing a four seasons song in the car, and her knowing it was someone else. (who? I forget)

Sandra Dodd: We checked on a display iPad at Best Buy when we got there. 

JennyC: What my daughter's love of blood led to was her fascination with horror films, also uncomfortable for me, but I was invited to watch and I did.

Robin B.: 

Robin B.: And then she got involved in makeup for the huge Hallowe'en haunted house in Portland, right? Lots of blood!

Sandra Dodd: Have you made fake blood, Jenny? We did once, and the kids set up a little disaster scene with makeup, of someone having been hit by a car, on a bike. All posed, with fake blood.

JennyC: And then, she wanted to do scary Halloween things every day of the year, but she also wanted to do a haunted house production, so we did. I found one that would let her join at her young age, 13 at the time, with the stipulation that a parent be there.

Sandra Dodd: Oh, but that was professional make-up blood, probably, not home-blood. 

JennyC: Chamille's tried the corn syrup fake blood, but she's never gotten the consistency right!

Robin B.: Chamille reminds me of those special effects folks whose lives are steeped in making stuff like that. It's their passion.

Rippy: Jenny, I love watching Criminal Minds and other FBI/Police dramas that Graham finds horrific. He focuses on the murders and I know it's not real, but I focus on the solving crime parts. I LOVE those shows. For a long time, I really, really, really wanted to be a spy or profiler or something exciting and I just feel like I'm back to 23 year old Rippy.

JennyC: We've gotten LARGE quantities of fake blood. Gallon sized!

Sylvia Woodman: Oh Harry would love that sort of thing! He loves scary bloody gore! Gabriella not so much!

JennyC: Working at the haunted house was extremely transformational for both of us!

Robin B.: Rippy, we all love Criminal Minds here. But it took Senna to get interested to get us on board. She loves CSI as well. Wednesdays here are called "Our weekly dose of crazy"!

Marta Pires: Rippy, I *love* Criminal Minds too.

Rippy: Gianluca and Gisele also love crime dramas, but Graham doesn't want them watching it, so I respect his wishes. We fake crime scenes sometimes and he's okay if we pretend we're playing Sherlock Holmes mysteries instead.

JennyC: We helped build sets and make costumes and paint. We did make up tutorials led by a woman in town who is now a special FX person for the show Grimm.

Rippy: I love CSI too. So much good television, not enough time...

JennyC: Or was, I don't know if the show is still running.

Robin B.: So, that's another thing to discuss. What if one parent is not comfortable with a child's interests and the other parent is?

AlexPolikowsky4: I think embracing our children's passion has to do with priorities. If a parent's priorities is to support their children, connect, get to know them, embrace and learn with their children than loving what your children love is a huge step towards all those goals. You do not have to listen to Rap or turn into a gamer but you can learn to see all that is great and exciting about what your children love. You can love their love for it. You can embrace all that they are getting out of it. The joy it brings to them. The more you embrace and learn about their passion, the more you can see all that and understand it and why they are passionate about it.

Marta Pires: It's the same with me. I know it isn't real. I love the solving crime parts. Especially with Criminal Minds and the profiling, I find it so interesting. The Mentalist is another one I love.

AlexPolikowsky4: Rippy it is so much easier with Hulu Netflix and all to watch those shows when you have time! But I hear you! So many shows I would like to have more time to watch. Someday I will. Priorities!

Marta Pires: Yes, someday! 

heatherbooth: Robin, like if one parent is comfortable with video games and the other isn't?

Robin B.: Senna especially likes the character development on those shows. And she's attached to certain characters. When Marg Helgenberger left, she stopped watching CSI with any enthusiasm. It's the story and how the characters interact and grow that interests her so much.

JennyC: We learned how to do special FX make up and be scary. What that did for me though was interesting. I was suddenly the odd man out, sort of. Everyone there at the haunted house production was very into horror and gore and used descriptions like, "beautiful" and "pretty" to describe the gorey bits. And suddenly my kid felt at home and like she belonged! Plus it was FUN!

AlexPolikowsky4: I love crime dramas. My son has been watching real crime shows on TV lately. My husband and I like them too.

Robin B.: Heather, anything. Like what Rippy mentioned. Graham doesn't like the kids watching crime dramas, for instance. How does one find a balance for everyone, in that case?

JennyC: I've become desensitized to horror and gore and I can watch it in movies now without running away or hiding my eyes. I try to see how they did it, which I realize, is what my own kid had been doing from the beginning.

Robin B.: You can watch horror with new eyes, in essence, Jenny?

JennyC: The special FX make up woman we met kept telling my daughter that she needed to learn how to do "pretty" make up too, so she did.

Sylvia Woodman: Here is a Proust quote for you Robin: "The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes." Marcel Proust.

JennyC: Yes, horror movies used to make me soooo uncomfortable and now I have an appreciation for them BECAUSE of supporting my child's interest in them.

Sandra Dodd: So! My son Kirby has this interest, in a woman named Destiny. 

Robin B.: I'm asking that question because some people might think that supporting your kids' interests means not taking other family members preferences into account. That could mean other kids in the family or the other parent. What are ways people can do that?

heatherbooth: Jenny, was there a trick to becoming desensitized? Or did it happen from repeated exposure? I still recoil and sometimes the images stay with me for days and disturb me, so I avoid those things.

Robin B.: Thanks for the quote, Sylvia!

heatherbooth: Monty and Austin will often tell me to close my eyes when something is coming up in a game. I appreciate that.

Sandra Dodd: To support his interest, I came to Austin on short notice to help because she got sudden custody of her own four year old. And for lunch, we had mashed potatoes (not instant) with cheese and extra butter, and I helped Devyn mash the potatoes with the bottom of a glass, because there isn't a potato masher.

Sandra Dodd: That is how to support a child, I guess.

Robin B.: Sweet, Sandra.

JennyC: It was very much immersing myself in the creation of horror special FX that did it. I learned how to make rotting corpses and burn victims and all other manner of disgusting things that wasn't REAL, but looked real!

Rippy: I think it's so important to listen to/respect Graham's wishes. He's so on board with the unschooling, but I wouldn't want it to become a frustrating thing for him ever. I think it's so much more important to have a happy, peaceful home with joy and laughter than the kids watching crime series Graham is uncomfortable with. I've always been able to find substitute things that work for both Graham and the kids.

Robin B.: Yes, that's what I meant, Rippy.

Robin B.: Thank you.

AlexPolikowsky4: Yes! My mom is flying in at the end of the month to stay with my sister's kids for 5 days while she goes to Texas on a business trip with her husband. My sister had asked me but 5 kids with her boys here would have been a disaster. I had them before for 4 days and it was very very hard. One day I left MY kids at home and took hers to the park to get them a little space. (my kids)

Rippy: I know moms who have said (or implied) that they make all the kid related decisions in the home and some of them are no longer together with their partners  Sometimes it's never been discussed, just asserted that the mom makes those decisions, but the dad has never really been on board with that.

Sylvia Woodman: Some times Jim and I split up to help the kids. For example Jim was the one who watched all of Dr Who with Harry and I usually hung out with Gabriella who is easily scared by those types of shows.

Sylvia Woodman: Some day I want to watch the Twlight Zone with Harry.

JennyC: Margaux didn't like scary stuff at all!

AlexPolikowsky4: Sylvia, Brian and I split up all the time with the kids.

Holly: Rippy's kids might see those shows at an older age and appreciate what their father does for them, in a different light.

Sandra Dodd: I agree with Holly.

Sandra Dodd: The shows will still be there.

Rippy: I think so too Holly. I wouldn't want young kids to watch them either.

heatherbooth: I think in our home I am usually the one that is uncomfortable with something Austin is interested in. Historically speaking. I knew I'd come a long way when Austin said he wanted GTA for christmas and I was plotting with Monty on getting it for him. So, whenever something comes up for me I try to sit with it and figure out what I'm afraid of. I guess it depends on your partner, but maybe you could help them do that too. Figure out what the fear is.

JennyC: But she was able to act in the haunted house a couple of times and she saw people up close getting make up on, and then she got make up on and scared people and had fun and it changed her perception of scary things.

Sylvia Woodman: And I was the one who took him to see Pacific Rim while Jim did something cool with Gabriella. He wanted to see it so I suggested that he go with his best friend while I did something fun with both kids.

AlexPolikowsky4: Brian kinda goes with my decisions, but the big ones I always talk to him about it. For us big ones can be something like buying a toy that is over $30 dollars.

JennyC: What Margaux loves right now is easy to embrace, she loves musicals.

Rippy: Holly, Gisele is beside me reading the chat and liked that you wrote something about "Rippy's kids". She's asking how old you are?

Robin B.: Senna wasn't interested in those shows when she was young. It felt okay when she did get interested in them, because she could better understand the themes. It's sort of like protecting them from the news when they're young. They really don't want to see it.

Sandra Dodd: Keith protects me from the news now. 

Robin B.: But, in the case of Chamille, she had a fascination that needed to be explored safely, I think. Without necessarily exposing everyone in the house to it.

AlexPolikowsky4: Heather when my son started playing GTA a couple years ago I learned that the cops in New York city love that game (Dina Marconi's husband is a NYPD cop - almost detective now) and they are both gamers and he used to work with gaming. He said that the officers love playing as bad guys!

JennyC: Yes, Robin! We needed to be very mindful of Margaux while also supportive of Chamille. At seven years apart, it can be harder to protect the younger one from seeing and knowing big kid stuff!

Rippy: Gianluca loves horror stuff. Graham comes up with suggestions though. He's seen Jaws and Jurrasic Park and Hunger Games.

Holly: My mom used to tell me not to go wearing certain clothes. And I heard her criticize a teenage friend of mine with c-cups and cleavage-showing-v-neck-​t-shirts. When I was 18, I found a dress at a thrift store and thought really hard about whether or not it would cause an issue between me and my mom.

JennyC: And then it became something that Margaux had to shush about when around other kids her own age who didn't have older siblings.

Sandra Dodd: I love some of those shows, but I look away when it's gross. I like CSI, but I don't watch it all the time. I watch Elementary and The Mentalist. Medium gross. I know when to look down.

Rippy: Gisele also wanted to watch those movies, but was happy to hide under the blankets with me until the scary scenes were over.

Marta Pires: Sandra, I've started watching Elementary and I'm loving it! 

JennyC: That was me too!

Sandra Dodd: I don't like shows with jumps scenes or scary music or "fright" aspects.

Holly: Last summer she brought me home all kinds of skimpy/tiny/single shoulder sort of shirts from Portugal. Some of them I wear, sometimes! I was able to realize that it wasn't that she hated breasts, it was that when I was YOUNGER she thought it was inappropriate.

AlexPolikowsky4: Hunger Games is not horror.  Gigi watched at 7 and she LOVES the movie!

Robin B.: Holly, I think your relationship with your mom made it easier for you to listen and consider, right? Another teen who had an adversarial relationship with her mom might say "screw that, I'll wear what I want."

Rippy: Gisele wants me to say she watched some of the horror stuff.

JennyC: Having a kid that was into all that stuff, really pushed me out of my comfort zone! Seriously!

Robin B.: Oh, I like that follow-up, Holly!

Rippy: I know Alex, that Hunger Games is not horror, but Gisele was beside me listing the horror movies they saw. 

Sandra Dodd: Holly seemed surprised when I said she looked really nice one day, beause she was afraid I would object, but she's 22, not 11. 

JennyC: Having Deb Lewis around helped!

AlexPolikowsky4: 

Robin B.: Deb Lewis rocks.

Marta Pires: You can find awesome clothes in Portugal, Holly!   Come visit us sometime! You and Sandra!

Sandra Dodd: Because of Deb Lewis's son's interest in Godzilla, Deb's kind of an expert in Japanese horror movies.

Sandra Dodd: You might find a good quote in one of her monster-pages, Robin.
Sandra Dodd: http://sandradodd.com/deblewis/monster -- "How a Monster and a Dead Guy Named Howard Led a Boy to a World of Connections."
Sandra Dodd: http://www.sandradodd.com/t/violence.html -- "Does TV cause violence?"
Sandra Dodd: Oh, in her talk in Albuquerque I think she probably talked about following's interest. Maybe.
Sandra Dodd: http://sandradodd.com/deblewis/courage -- Deb's presentation at the Always Learning Live Symposium, "How to develop the courage and confidence it takes to unschool."

Robin B.: Oooh! Being an expert in something your child loves is good!

Robin B.: And learning more on your own that you can share with your child.

Jill Parmer: Or because of something your child likes, you become an expert in it. 

Sylvia Woodman: Wait... what? Monster Pages????? Tell me more!!!!

Robin B.: Yes, that's what I meant Jill, but didn't write it well. 

JennyC: I always wondered how I'd respond to that, Holly! Chamille was always super super modest about showing her body. Not as much anymore, but she's 19 now and it's not as much of a deal.

Robin B.: I'm going to have so much for this talk, it will take more than an hour!!

Robin B.: I might ask some of you for photos, if you have them, that I can use. Audio-visuals, you know. 

JennyC: Deb Lewis will sometimes ask for movie suggestions and I realize that we've seen a lot of the same movies because of our kids!

Holly: When a person is 11 years old, it's hard to know if their parent is saying something only to an 11-year-old. It happens to come off sounding as a strong preference of the parent. Through my teen years, I was unable to see that my mom's ideas of right/wrong would change/were changing, since I was changing… I'm talking about this because of the topic of protecting your kids from gore-scenes, etc. Maybe remember to talk about that stuff again, in a few years.

Robin B.: Great suggestion, Holly.

Marta Pires: Interesting perspective, Holly.

Sylvia Woodman: This is such a great discussion but Harry wants me to come play on the Wii right now so I'm going to sign out for now! Take care everyone!

Robin B.: Bye Sylvia! Thanks.

Sylvia Woodman left the chat 

Marta Pires: I *loved* Deb's talk at your symposium! Truly inspiring.

JennyC: Yes, very true Holly! It's something I've had to think about a lot because my kids are so far apart in age! It's something my oldest has had to think about too, how to be around her sister in mindful ways. Sometimes it was natural and sometimes she needed to think about it.

Robin B.: I'd also like to know how you parents think supporting your kids' interests has changed you? Not only in technical skills perhaps, but emotionally, mentally?

JennyC: I've had to become a much more open minded person!

Sandra Dodd: Holly couldn't have known, and I didn't want to explain, that when she was young I was also thinking about the detrimental effects of other parents thinking she might be a bad influence on their kids, or of the danger of some older male people who aren't as mature and polite and honest as we would all like men to be.

JennyC: I think if I hadn't had kids and hadn't supported them in the ways that I have, I would be a person with STRONG opinions about right and wrong and probably would have foisted them onto my kids!

Sandra Dodd: Jenny just said "had to" but she didn't have to.

Sandra Dodd: I don't "have to" be supportive of my kids.

Rippy: I just let Graham read what I had written about him and he said he's going to look for a series that is something in between Criminal Minds and Murder She Wrote, so that we can watch it together with Gianluca. If anyone knows of anything like that, let me know. 

JennyC: I know.

Sandra Dodd: But by choosing to be, and trying to be open to learning from what they're doing, I became a calmer and more patient and less judgmental person.
Sandra Dodd: Less isolated.
Sandra Dodd: Less self-centered.

Marta Pires: What about The Mentalist, Rippy?

Robin B.: Sweet, Rippy. 

Sandra Dodd: I could just see this whole thing with being in Texas as a big inconvenience and sacrifice—the cost of the flight, things I've bought for them (not a potato masher, but that's okay).

Marta Pires: Simon Baker's character is so much fun to watch!

Sandra Dodd: But I'm seeing myself as the fourth of four. Whatever my inconvenience or frustration, each of the other three has bigger problems right now than I do.

Rippy: Thanks Marta, I'll look into that one. I've only seen a couple of episodes, but that might be a good one for him.

heatherbooth: Rippy, how old are your kids?

Sandra Dodd: So I'm not going to complain at all.

Sandra Dodd: I'm glad Devyn is willing to watch cartoons and make playdoh cookies on the other end of the table so I can be in the chat. 

Robin B.: 

Marta Pires: We're glad too! 

JennyC: Chamille told me last night that she was glad that I would always give her the moral high ground road, even when she would choose not to take it. She said that looking back, she's really glad I said it and I said it many times because it's been a moral compass more and more, even though she didn't always do that when she was younger.

Sandra Dodd: The Mentalist usually only has one body, and sometimes you don't see it. It's not gory like CSI.

Rippy: Heather, they are 9 and 7.

Robin B.: Psych might be fun. It's crime-solving, but light and funny.

Sandra Dodd: The relationships between and among the characters are good.

JennyC: Psych is my FAVORITE show ever in the history of all shows, seriously!

Sandra Dodd: AH…. yes, go with Psych instead for now. The Red John stuff is gross. So not The Mentalist, if Graham has objections.

heatherbooth: Elementary?

Sandra Dodd: Because it honestly involves a little girl, and that's no good.

Holly: It honestly involves a fictional little girl. (The Mentalist)

Rippy: I've never heard of Psych. This is what happens when you move to Europe 

Robin B.: 

Marta Pires: 

JennyC: It has a lot of 80's and 90's pop culture references.

Sandra Dodd: Well, true.  And they don't show that crime, but the "dad" FICTIONAL DAD is such a good actor that it's easy to be affected by the thoughts he's acting like he's thinking.

Serah: We really like watching Bones as a family. There's science and crime all together in one.

AlexPolikowsky4: I don't think NCIS has a lot of gore either. Just the dead body!

Robin B.: So, right there in action, is a partnership between Graham and Rippy, open to finding possibilities for their kids. Nice!

Sandra Dodd: Robin, do you need a broader list than games, makeup/fashion, tv shows?

Marta Pires: True, Sandra.

JennyC: Yes, us too Serah, but it has gorey things and it can be scary. Margaux's request of Bones, is that it not be watched during meal times, fair enough!

Sandra Dodd: Sports? Martial arts / dance? Music?

Robin B.: Maybe. But those are some big ones, so far. Maybe too-early-in-the-parents​'-minds sexual activity? Not sure that qualifies as "interests" but it could.

Serah: Funny, we have the same issue. It seems we are always eating when we watch. The boys make some gross comments, then keep eating.

JennyC: Midsomer Murders is good, good mystery and very little gorey bits, blood and alluding to what happens, mostly. It's a UK show.

Robin B.: Guns and weapons are sticking points.

Sandra Dodd: Parents don't always guess right about how supportive to be. Sometimes in retrospect a teen wishes parents hadn't been so supportive. (Maybe… )

Robin B.: Yes.

Sandra Dodd: Collections.

Sandra Dodd: Some kids want to have collections of things the parents consider unworthy of space or storage.

Robin B.: Ah, that one came up in on the FB discussion!

Robin B.: I love what Karen James wrote about Ethan wanting to collect garbage.

Robin B.: And how she made that work.

Rippy: Thanks for the tip Jenny, I'll run all of the ideas past Graham. It's great to give him suggestions and let him be the one to give the show to Gianluca. I love helping him be the good guy/good dad. 

Sandra Dodd: Devyn is telling me that she likes scary stuff, and sometimes power puff girls is kind of scary, and might be too scary for me.

Sandra Dodd: "It ain't scary for nobody little, but it's scary for people big," she says.

Jill Parmer: Interesting, Sandra. What are clues parents can see that they might be too supportive?

Robin B.: I like this Rippy "I love helping him be the good guy/good dad."

Celeste left the chat

Sandra Dodd: I don't know, Jill. It was a retrospective view. 

AlexPolikowsky4: When my son was 3 and 4 he wanted to keep all the boxes his toys came in. I put them all in the attic. Years later I asked about it and he said I could toss them so I did. 

JennyC: Yes, true Sandra! That was kind of the point of the conversation Chamille and I were having. We were talking about bullying and other bad behavior and how sometimes parents inadvertently support that. Which is why she was saying that she was glad that I would SAY it, that I would tell her that what she was considering was not very good or maybe even wrong, even if she chose not to follow my direction.

Robin B.: Ack, my screen is whack. I'm going to exit and come back.

Marta Pires: Sweet Devyn. 

Laurie joined the chat 

Rippy: Robin, he's at work all the time and doesn't get as many chances to have the kids light up as much as I do. So whenever something is a team effort, I like him to be the one to wow the kids with it.

Jill Parmer: Sometimes Addi likes pressure from Steve to do something or not do something. It baffles me a little bit, but she likes it.

JennyC: Review can be hard to hear because there are no retakes!

Serah: That is nice, Rippy. 

JennyC: When Chamille starts to review, it can sound critical and I ask her how it might have been done different.

Rippy: Thanks Serah. 

Laurie joined the chat

Robin B.: Anything else that has changed for anyone, as you get involved with what your kids love?

heatherbooth: I would say that getting involved with what Austin is loving has brought us connection in a way that I never imagined we'd have.

Rippy: I'm much more relaxed. When I first became a mom, I thought I would need to make all the "right" decisions about things like makeup, barbies, toy weapons. Now we make them together, based on what is important to the kids.

Sandra Dodd: I know more movies and shows, actors than I would have. And people. I've met their friends, and some of them have become friends of mine, too.

JennyC: Margaux is just starting to embark on this adventure! She's 12. I imagine I may have a lot of Broadway musicals in my future. Horror, now Broadway, neither are my favorites! 

Sandra Dodd: Keith loved musicals when I met him.

heatherbooth: He's 12 and last night he came and snuggled up on my lap to show me a video. I didn't get on my parents lap at that age. I thought about that when it he was there (even though he's getting pretty heavy) and was SO grateful that he'll still do that with me.

Sandra Dodd: I only knew Wizard of Oz, Peter Pan (both from TV) and The Sound of Music. He took me to an art theater to see West Side Story, and was always singing things from Paint Your Wagon, or other things, so I got interested and LOVED it, loved it.

AlexPolikowsky4: Maybe we need to be really aware how someone wants that support to look like. I have a tendency to do something for my kids and thus solve it, but maybe what my child really wants and needs is support to learn to do it himself. Not for me to step in and do it for him. I know I have done it and I know my son really dislikes it and will just tell me to stop, like when he is trying to solve some computer thing and asks for help.

Sandra Dodd: Heather, that's sweet. I saw Matthew Vilter get into his parents lap when he was as big as they were. He's much bigger now. TALL and big.

AlexPolikowsky4: He does not want me to sit there and do it for him, but for me to kind of guide him for him to do it.

Marta Pires: I think that if a person is open enough, our kids' interests (and if we support them lovingly) can lead us to new and unforeseen favorites!

JennyC: Margaux isn't snuggly anymore. When I almost died and had surgery, something changed in her. Fear, probably, but she became independent out of necessity and it changed things in ways I wouldn't have chosen!

Robin B.: I can see, in me, some of Senna's ways of dealing with things. I think I've become more accepting of myself and of her.

heatherbooth: I think I watch musicals and have been to more than I would have had I not met Monty. He LOVES musicals. I think we may like different kinds of musicals. He really liked Mary Poppins. I fall asleep to that one, but I LOVE The Sound of Music.

Robin B.: Jenny, the snuggling might come back. 12 seems to be an age of "just me, myself, alone" anyway.

JennyC: I'm excited about a change from horror!

Rippy: Robin - for me unschooling the kids is like having a second childhood. I'm enjoying things like a child in many ways.

JennyC: She's very much doing that.

Jill Parmer: Yes, Rippy! I've felt that too.

JennyC: Margaux brought Nancy Drew back to my life!

Sandra Dodd: For me, it healed some of my childhood hurts to do things for my kids, at all ages. This week I've been thinking of times I wanted my mom's help, when Kirby was little, and she was not only NOT helpful, she was a little insulting.

JennyC: It's been our thing for a while now, we play all the PC games over and over!

Robin B.: Healing one's childhood hurts, yes.

Marta Pires: So true, Rippy!

Robin B.: Yup! I'm doing a funshop as well at Life is Good, I think. Mary Poppins was the first movie my brother ever took me to. I *love* that movie and so does Senna. So we're reliving our childhood <g>​ a bit by presenting the movie, hosting a kite-building funshop and a kite-flying afternoon. Or something like that!

JennyC: I'm grateful for the relationship I have with my adult daughter! I never thought it possible! I love my mom dearly, but I didn't have that kind of relationship with her at all!

Robin B.: :::sings::: Let's go fly a kite...

heatherbooth: Alex, I think that's a really good point. Knowing how your child wants to be supported. With GTA here, I don't think that my playing with him is how he would feel supported. I think making sure he has everything he needs is a way I can support him. I think he's going to LOVE my trivia cards and feel super supported.

heatherbooth: I think he feels supported when I make sure his chair and table are all set up before I go to bed.

Rippy: Sandra - it's been healing for my childhood too. My children wet their beds for a long time and my mom was so not nice to my brothers when they used to wet their beds. I love being super, super, super sweet to my kids. I imagine that some of that sweetness finds itself back a few decades to my young brothers and lands on them.

Holly: With videos games, sometimes support can be joining in, creating a character, learning tactics, investing in more games… Sometimes it can be bringing your game-playing kid a sandwich and a drink.  and, very often in our house, it has been looking up more information on the game on internet sites, and sometimes printing out recipes, codes, and maps!

Robin B.: I make food so Senna can easily warm something up when she's up all night.

Robin B.: Alex, I think it changes, maybe, with kids growing up. The help will look different, as they become more skilled, independent.

Robin B.: The support, I mean.

JennyC: My husband is super supportive in the computer area! He makes sure everyone has functional technology, which is no small feat, but he does it!

Robin B.: Rippy, your writing about your brothers like that makes me weepy. 

Laurie: Robin, for me, I've learned to build a computer, upload mods and skins and work the Minecraft Panel on Minecraft, and have read or watched books and movies and youtube videos that I otherwise wouldn't have seen. And been exposed to music that I otherwise wouldn't have heard, some of which I LOVE.

Robin B.: It's thinking in a broader sense how you impact the lives of others.

Robin B.: Cool, Laurie!

Rippy: Robin, I was their big sister, but I didn't know how to protect them from my mom's irritation and anger when I was younger. Being sweet to my children feels so healing to me.

Robin B.: So, there's more to it than just our impact on our kids. I'll share with you something that almost embarrasses me.

Laurie: Also, supporting my daughter's and husband's interests, I've learned a lot about dogsledding and lighthouses.

Rippy: Graham is the technological genius at our house. I don't know what I'd do without his help. The kids would most definitely have less sparkly and interesting lives.

Robin B.: Senna has met, through Jenny's Chamille, a boy with whom she really connects. From the moment they saw each other when we were visiting, they started talking. They talked for 10 hours straight!

Sandra Dodd: And Graham just has a big, sweet smile. That can't hurt. He's so gentle with his children...

Robin B.: I'd interject something about what they were talking about, now and again, because I *knew* what they were talking about.

Rippy: Thanks Sandra! I'll make sure to tell Graham you said that about him. 

Robin B.: When I drove him home, and we were all chatting, this boy said "You are the coolest mom, ever!"

JennyC: I love Senna likes him! He's amazing!

Robin B.: I saw Senna grinning in the mirror.

Rippy: Cool Robin!!!

Marta Pires: Cool, Robin! 

Robin B.: It embarrassed me a bit. And I know his mom is not supportive of him.

Jill Parmer: 

Jill Parmer: My smile is for the ...coolest mom, ever... comment.

Robin B.: But it was sweet and Senna knew it made a difference to him.

AlexPolikowsky4: Robin is cool!

JennyC: I love that! You are a cool mom!

JennyC: You know and support gaming, his mom doesn't.

Robin B.: I love my kid and I want to be part of what she loves.

Rippy: I love, love, love talking kids up in front of their non supportive moms. I think sometimes they need a kickstart, to remember the cool stuff in their own children.

Laurie: Seeing her smile must have made your heart leap!

AlexPolikowsky4: Yes Robin! Me too!

Jill Parmer: I notice kids gravitate toward supportive, kind moms. I think it's a way to get some of that goodness.

Robin B.: And I feel lucky to know so many moms for whom that is also true. Other moms who are doing the same for their kids. Changing the world, one interest at a time!

Robin B.: Yes, Laurie. It did!

Robin B.: Thanks, you guys, for helping me with this. I am truly grateful.

Jill Parmer: Alrighty all, I'm off to do other things. Take care. Thank you for holding these chats, Sandra. ​

Jill Parmer left the chat 

Marta Pires: Great chat!

Robin B.: Yes, Sandra. I so appreciate all you do.

Rippy: Me too!!

Serah: Same here. 

Robin B.: Marta, I'll be in touch about the transcript. No hurry for me.

Marta Pires: Yes, thank you thank you thank you Sandra!

Sandra Dodd: Marta and Robin did all the work today, but thanks. 

Robin B.: Thanks for coming, you folks in Europe!

JennyC: It trickles out too. So many of Chamille's friends have terrible parents and have noticed and remarked on the differences between their own parents and Chamille's parents. So, even in changing our own kids' lives, we change the lives of other kids who may not have known any different.

Marta Pires: Sure Robin!

Marta Pires: But I'll try to edit it right away, or else... 

Laurie: Kids can enjoy what one of the parent's interests are too. When my oldest daughter was very young (maybe 6 or 7), she volunteered as a docent with my husband at a local lighthouse. They shared that interest together for a while. The lady who they worked with still keeps in touch with them!

Robin B.: Yes, Jenny.

Sandra Dodd: Next week will be about mental health. Not just lack of mental problems or depression, but healthy health (mentally).

Robin B.: Ooh, sounds good.

Sandra Dodd: Based on recent comments about preventing or lessening depression.

Rippy: You're welcome! And I think we might have scored some cool shows for Gianluca from this chat.

Robin B.: This chat helps me be mentally healthy!

Sandra Dodd: And what comes out of the chat can be added to the page I'm working on.

JennyC: Oh goodie, I will try very hard to make it to that one, I need it! I will be a guest in CA though, so we shall see!

Marta Pires: It helps me too, Robin!

Laurie: Have fun in CA Jenny!

SaraVaz: Thanks everyone for the wonderfull chat! ❤

Robin B.: Thanks for coming, everybody!

Robin B.: Bye now!

Laurie left the chat

JennyC: I will, I'm going to a wedding of a dear friend and staying for a bit to catch up.

Robin B. left the chat

Serah left the chat

JennyC: Bye all!

JennyC left the chat

heatherbooth: Bye ya'll! Thanks for the chat!

SaraVaz: Bye! Thanks!

Rippy: Bye everyone!

Sandra Dodd: Bye!

Sandra Dodd left the chat 

AlexPolikowsky4: Well goodbye everyone! Going to make some ravioli for Gigi!

Rippy left the chat