This was actually uploaded April 28, but I'm changing the date to the date of the chat.
Jill Parmer: Can you see me now?
Jill Parmer: Can you see me now?
Sandra Dodd: I see you now. :-)
Jill Parmer: I feel invisible.
Jill Parmer: Phew.
Sandra Dodd: You're more present now.
Sandra Dodd: More in keeping with the topic.
Sandra Dodd: DOH!
Parvine: I can see you too 😊
Sandra Dodd: Why are you in the not-really-here list on the side, then!?
Sandra Dodd: I'll stop looking at that list.
Jill Parmer: I was here when you cleared the room, then I saw that you couldn't see me.
Jill Parmer left the chat 6 days ago
Jill Parmer joined the chat 6 days ago
AlexPolikowsky7: I am here but this sudden urge to sleep attacks me so not really present.
AlexPolikowsky7: I also maybe coming and going as Gigi ways me to do anfrenthings for her At the barn when she comes back home
Tinlizzy: Finally remembered the right time and day so I'm here too!
Serah: I'm here too but also trying to be there for my 2y old. So, i guess I am intermittently here.
Robin B. joined the chat 6 days ago
coco: hello I am here I thought it was one hour ago, it gave me time to organize to be without my 2 year old
Tinlizzy: One thing I remind myself of is that the little things ( to me )are the big things (to them).
coco: right, one night he made a nightmare that he had lost an airplane, such things are so important for them
Tinlizzy: And it builds trust for the future. If you don't pay attention now you can't expect them to come to you when they're older
AlexPolikowsky7: Of course they are :)
AlexPolikowsky7: I just read on
coco: yesterday as I had a very bad day, I begun to cry for the first time I think in front of him, I was sad to see that I was really not present for different reasons, and he was getting aggressive. I remembered at that moment to do the EFT points, which help me when I have a big physical or mental pain
coco: and it really was amazing as it helped me quickly to accept the situation and be glad,
AlexPolikowsky7: I just came across a post on Facebook that two different people replied to a. Baby distressed at being at the sitter, calling babies assholes and jerks.
coco: seeing me doing it as I was saying "I feel sad" he said he was sad too and he wanted me to do the tapping to him
AlexPolikowsky7: Read an Unschooler calling his kids jerks too.
coco: he lasted a few seconds and then he was happy and wanted to play again
coco: so I will do it when I need it in front of him, Emotinal Freedom Techniques if you are interested to look at it on the internet there is free info
coco: Emotional
AlexPolikowsky7: This may help you coco -
AlexPolikowsky7: http://sandradodd.com/moment
Tinlizzy: I've always thought adults should be more understanding seeing how everyone was once a kid....
AlexPolikowsky7: It was not the EFT. It was you paying attention to him.
coco: thank you Alex
AlexPolikowsky7: That is why he felt better
Sandra Dodd: Coco, leae that for an EFT chat. Seriously.
coco: yes and I too, I think this is like a mantra, verbally I say I accept my feelings and love myself like that, and with the tapping it may remember my brain to be present
Serah: good point, Alex
Sandra Dodd: You can bypass 'techniques' if you can become more present, and that's the topic of the chat—being directly present.
coco: ah ok sorry!
coco: for me at that moment it was really difficult
coco: if you have more ideas I am curious
coco: didn't mean to offend anyone :(
Sandra Dodd: It's not about offense, it's about topic.
coco: ok so what helps me is to talk about my feelings if I really can't be fully present
coco: then it passes away
Robin B.: It's kind of like a psychological trigger to recenter oneself. But it doesn't need to have a "technique" involved to do it. You can get yourself into a better state of mind by breathing and smiling.
Sandra Dodd: -=- I've always thought adults should be more understanding seeing how everyone was once a kid....-=- The way children are treated can parallel hazing, in fraternities, or the military.
Sandra Dodd: Childhoold memories of harsh treatment are repressed. What's saved, in some cases is "When I'm older *I* get to do that to younger people." It's pretty awful.
Sandra Dodd: And some people are less willing than others, when they become "seniors," to say "Let's drop the initiation and be nice to these freshmen."
Sandra Dodd: So "once was a kid" can have the opposite effect, I think than "understanding."
Sandra Dodd: It takes a conscious decision to be different.
Robin B.: If a mother talks about her feelings to her child, can't that sometimes make her child feel responsible to fix those feelings?
Sandra Dodd: coco, if you're dealing with a young child, you can't decide the only way to be more present is to talk about your feelings. :-)
Parvine: Stopping, taking step back and breathing helps me refocus quickly ..
Serah: breathing works for me too
Sandra Dodd: Sometimes something physical can help. The way young children might have a particular toy, stuffed animal or blanket, sometimes with an adult it can help to have an object for comfort or focus. Wedding ring. Favorite mug with hot tea or coffee. Favorite chair, shawl, hoodie.
Jill Parmer: <<< If a mother talks about her feelings to her child, can't that sometimes make her child feel responsible to fix those feelings? >>> Or 'What the heck is my mom going on about?' depending on age and situation.
Jill Parmer: <<< If a mother talks about her feelings to her child, can't that sometimes make her child feel responsible to fix those feelings? >>> Or 'What the heck is my mom going on about?' depending on age and situation.
coco: yes sandra, but sometimes just smiling and breathing helps me without having to talk about all the feelings that may flow
Sandra Dodd: But having specific things to think, to re-focus, can be helpful. I like "Make the better choice" for myself—and have used it lots.
Sandra Dodd: If a child is needy, scared, bored—any emotion—the mom should be there if she can be. If she can't be (emotionally) there, we're trying to gather up some ideas to help her do that.
Tinlizzy: I have Be Here Now posted onmy fridge as a reminder not to get lost in my head
coco: I tell him "I feel like that, I am taking care of it, it is not your job" something like that
coco: I don't know how to express it in english
AlexPolikowsky7: Too big of a burden for little children.
Sandra Dodd: -=-yes sandra, but sometimes just smiling and breathing helps me without having to talk about all the feelings that may flow-=- There's a "have to" in there. I think if you think there is ANY "have to" in "talk about your fellings" it will be harder to move away from being stuck there.
Sandra Dodd: http://sandradodd.com/haveto
Sandra Dodd: "Have to" works against being present. "Have to" blames something else, somehow.
Parvine: Practicing being in the Now has also helped me to get back in the moment if I find I am getting lost in thoughts
coco: I like "infinite love and gratitude" too
Sandra Dodd: No one is "in the now" 24 hours a day. There are times ANYone, everyone, no matter how much full-time spiritual leader or whatever, is thinking about the past, or planning for the future.
Sandra Dodd: But it's possible for a person to live in such a way that she's nearly never present in the moment.
coco: good point sandra, maybe as you said "the only way is to" I felt it was a you have to
Sandra Dodd: And for unschooling, that's not going to work.
AlexPolikowsky7: I have apologized and told my self big breaths and did them and refocused on my child. Changing of scenery for me a s child can help, something humor can help, or something physical like dancing and singing can help. All those can help parents connect with kids and kids feel they have parents attention.
Sandra Dodd: I have a bird feeder out the window. Sometimes watching and listening to those birds can bring me back to a quiet starting place.
Sandra Dodd: coco, I don't know what you meant. This is what I wrote. It's an IF _____, you can't..... phrase.
Sandra Dodd: coco, I don't know what you meant. This is what I wrote. It's an IF _____, you can't..... phrase.
Sandra Dodd: -=- if you're dealing with a young child, you can't decide the only way to be more present is to talk about your feelings.-=-
Serah: showers help me. the water, the heat, breathing, focus on the good in the moment.
Sandra Dodd: IF you tell us you have to talk about your feelings to be centered, and IF you're only with a young child, THEN (by your formula) you can't ever be present with a young child. I was trying to dismantle the idea that verbalized analysis was going to be required for you to be directly attentive to a young child.
Sandra Dodd: Showers are good. When I can't think of something or need to checklist the day, a shower or a drive can help.
coco: ah ok lost in translation
Sandra Dodd: If words are what's keeping me from being present, doing something non-verbal can help.
AlexPolikowsky7: My son talks about the cats when he is needing to connect to me. He will walk by or come to me and joke about the cats and say funny things. I put what I am doing down, once I realized that is what he was needing, and I joke and talk about the cats. He is 13 now. When he was a young child it was different.
Tinlizzy: I like to have a mental "reality check" like what is everyone doing really... Eg laughing at a funny part of a movie and what am I doing? Am I joining them? Am I pretending to pay attention while trying to also do something else and adjust accordingly
Sandra Dodd: Tinlizzy, that's nice.
Serah: We have do overs... sometimes we start out not nice and things roll around and escalate... one of us will say "Do Over" and we start fresh again. More positive.
Sandra Dodd: As long as everyone involved realizes the do over is for fun. The first pass still exists. Crazy reality-world. :-)
Serah: yes
Sandra Dodd: I had a young friend (sort of student, I was a mentor) and one day he was really frustrated with me, in my kitchen, leaning back against my kitchen sink. I say that because I remember it so clearly, and I wanted to laugh, but he was so frusrated. He was 20 or so, and said "I would say 'fuck you,' but I' m not going to." VERY funny, but I didn't want to laugh at him. I'm still laughing 20 years later, though.
Serah: the focus changes. Shake it off or breathe or something to start fresh.
AlexPolikowsky7: Now that my kids are older and I can do a lot of things and be busy. What I do is stop what I am doing, put it down, look at my kids eyes and listen. I also try not to put them off: " in a minute." "After I am done with this." Because sometimes all they need is a minute of attention and presence and they are good! So being present for me now is making them my priority and being as available as I can be!
Sandra Dodd: Sometimes with Keith, my husband, I'll say "I wish I had said '_____'." and then the conversation continues. It's not as good as a do over. I should propose that next time I got a step in the wrong direction.
Serah: it works with husbands too
Parvine: whether clouds, flowers, trees or the sea helps shift emotions and refocus.
Sandra Dodd: In the absence of sea and trees, http://justaddlightandstir.blogspot.com
Sandra Dodd: There are a lot of sea and tree photos there. :-)
Sandra Dodd: Don't go there if your child needs you, though. That would be counted as "absent," not present. ;-)
Sandra Dodd: Are there pages or quotes some of you have found from unschooling that have helped?
Sandra Dodd: I love this Pam Sorooshian quote: "As we get older and our kids grow up, we eventually come to realize that all the big things in our lives are really the direct result of how we've handled all the little things." —Pam Sorooshian, June 4, 2007
Sandra Dodd: http://sandradodd.com/pamsorooshian If you ever need it, you can google pam sorooshian little things
Sandra Dodd: I know, because that's what I just did. :-)
coco: I like the quote "child more important than your vision of our child"
AlexPolikowsky7: I go for walks in the morning but as Spring arrived here I need to shift my walks to go earlier. Yes physical presence. She says she needs my cooking even when all she wants is boxed Mac&Cheese
Serah: coco, that's my favourite too
AlexPolikowsky7: I love that quote from Pam.
Sandra Dodd: On Amy Child's podcasts, maybe this one? Maybe not....
Sandra Dodd: http://unschoolingsupport.com/personal-g...
Sandra Dodd: Unschooling as Personal Growth
AlexPolikowsky7: I love that one too coco
AlexPolikowsky7: M
Tinlizzy: So many great ones!
Sandra Dodd: Here's that one, and where it lives with a photo of Marty and Kirby:http://justaddlightandstir.blogspot.com/...
AlexPolikowsky7: I can say unschooling has made me grow so much , not just as a mother, but as a person in every way.
AlexPolikowsky7: Being present is making your children a priority. Your children and spouse too.
Serah: me too Alex... i wonder sometimes at how much my life and mentality has changed for the better as a direct result of unschooling
AlexPolikowsky7: You think of them and check on them as the day goes, always having them in your mind.
Parvine: " Find the good parts today" there are always good parts, parts that bring a smile on.
Tinlizzy: I agree and I really appreciate Sandra's view that spouses are important too. This is the only place I can think of that doesn't say what you disagree about something-divorce!
JennyC joined the chat 6 days ago
AlexPolikowsky7: Definitely Serah. I have long conversations with my sister about it. She said I have helped her so much. So. Unschooling helping me helps another family too. It spreads outwards too.
AlexPolikowsky7: Yes Tinlizzy! Spouses are important!
AlexPolikowsky7: I learned about many sports so I could
AlexPolikowsky7: Connect better with my husband
Sandra Dodd: Nice about your sister, Alex.
JennyC: I'm just jumping in late. Sorry for doing that. I really do think that unschooling requires mindfulness and self awareness and both of those things help you be a better parent AND partner
Sandra Dodd: I tried, with my sister, but she ended up divorced (and remarried, and divorced again).
Sandra Dodd: And person.
Sandra Dodd: Being a better parent and partner.... tadaaa! Better person. :-)
Serah: I agree, no where have I ever seen so much focus on being nicer to your spouse. In any of the other realm's of education.
AlexPolikowsky7: I am glad my sister listens to me. She may not be where she is of it was not for Unschooling.
AlexPolikowsky7: Yes!
JennyC: I knew if I wanted my husband's support to unschool, then I needed to be supportive of his needs and the things he cares about
Sandra Dodd: There never has been any. I did that myself, but I'm VERY very happy that over the years many others have stayed together and come back and said that these ideas honestly helped.
AlexPolikowsky7: Yes Sandra! I am even nicer to my mom now than I was just a couple years ago.
Sandra Dodd: So it's not just me now, but it used to be me (Pam Sorooshian and Joyce Fetteroll agreed with me, and they're still together, too).
AlexPolikowsky7: And my mom is vey nice :) I still treated her like a child a lot.
AlexPolikowsky7: Trying to also accept her choices and who she is.
JennyC: I think, once you start being really mindful of your kids, it naturally overflows to other relationships
Sandra Dodd: And I'm not happy about this, but it ends up being evidential. A few specific people who had criticized me (belittled me, tried to shush me) about marriage support and being more positive and not wallowing in negativity.... ended up divorced.
Sandra Dodd: I wish they hadn't. I wish they had not insulted me in public. I wish they had quietly considered being nicer, and were still married and now helping others be nicer.
JennyC: Yesterday, a fb friend ranted. The kids were a part of the rant. It physically hurt me to see it.
AlexPolikowsky7: I don't know Jenny. I hope so but the mainstream and socially acceptable way is to discount your spouse and run him/her over. I have seen even in Unschooling circles.
Serah: I plan to go camping this summer because it means so much to my hubby.
AlexPolikowsky7: And I am sure you will go and enjoy and be happy and not throw in his face you did it for him Serah. That is a huge difference I see.
JennyC: Alex, I think those people, then really haven't ever been truly mindful. It's a level of faking it and never really getting it. Honestly, I really believe that.
Jill Parmer: A couple of things that helped me be more present was, little old ladies saying "enjoy every minute, they're gone in a blink", and from unschooling discussions, "turn and look directly at your child". Those made me realize it goes so fast, and the actual physical turning my body to look at my child made me not blow the idea off into thinking 'well I am looking at my child'.
Sandra Dodd: Keith yelled at me a while ago. But I know he's stressed because his brother's coming over, and we don't know when or what time, and the brother asked Keith to try to look for a way to purchase large screen-printing equipment (which Keith knows nothing about) and the brother wants to stay the night and offereed to take us to dinner. I said can't, we're going with Marty and Ashlee to see Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.
Sandra Dodd: So on a day that was already busy, Gerry's imposing himself on us with zero advance warning.
Serah: yes, of course! That would totally defeat the purpose, Alex!
Tinlizzy: Another quote perhaps from deschooling gently is : to do nothing that will hurt your relationship
AlexPolikowsky7: Jenny I mentioned that in the beginning of the chat. Plus an experiment of two different moms calling babies jerks and assholes. Ugh. Can you imagine what they call their spouse? How can you be present and available if you thing the other person is a jerk?
Sandra Dodd: I've set up a place for him to sleep and written him a note about Kirby will be in at 4:40 so not to worry if he hears the door, and that I take Devyn to school before 7:00.... all that, because he'll be here while we're still gone.
Sandra Dodd: So I handled it by doing prep work.
JennyC: Jill, the physicality of turning and looking directly, or turning away because I needed to not blow it. Both helped a lot.
Sandra Dodd: Keith handled it by yelling at me.
Serah: coping mechanisms
Sandra Dodd: But I know that's what it is, and so I didn't chase him down. And he apologized within seconds.
Serah: nice
Sandra Dodd: We're getting better, still, and we're old! :-)
JennyC: The idea to not take things personally, really helped me a lot
AlexPolikowsky7: Nice!
JennyC: And, I know a little about screen printing equipement
Jill Parmer: Reciprocally, do something that will help your relationship.
Jill Parmer: Smile, touch, food, favorite food, find out something about their favorite things, listen...
AlexPolikowsky7: With Brian sometimes I just have to walk away and calm down. The best thing is to keep my mouth shut even when I was to say things. Best thing not to speak to him if I am upset. Once I calm down I can be supportive and understanding and not take it personally.
JennyC: Creature comforts are a big deal and they really are so simple
AlexPolikowsky7: Yes Jill!!! Favorite things!!
Serah: it's so hard to be quiet and walk away for me ;-(
JennyC: Right, Alex, saying nothing at all is often better
Sandra Dodd: Serah, me too. I want to SAY why I'm not going to say anything (like my friend Martino, leaning on the sink, years ago :-) )
Jill Parmer: Sometimes to keep my mouth shut, I phsyically hold my tongue with my teeth.
JennyC: Serah, it IS hard, but worth every effort. It helps with kids and spouses.
AlexPolikowsky7: It was for me too Serah. Very very hard. But deep breaths. Choices . Pick the best. Mutter to yourself as you walk away.' Write them down but done send them
Serah: sigh. i will try harder. thanks for the encouragement
AlexPolikowsky7: I still say "whatever" and walk away muttering ...
Sandra Dodd: Lately sometimes to "be here," I look at the time. And I think to myself specifically "It's 1:20" or whatever.
AlexPolikowsky7: The. I turn my Korean drama shows or the music in my earphones! Now that helps distract me.
JennyC: It's the idea that, in that moment, your spouse or child is doing or saying something you really don't like, and then knowing they probably don't like it either. They are having a hard time. So I try not to make it harder by adding my crap onto it.
Sandra Dodd: And I think "I still have time" or "I'm glad I looked now and not later" or something that encourages me. :-)
Sandra Dodd: When we were visiting Holly the other day, we needed to leave by a certain time but I hadn't told her so.
AlexPolikowsky7: I like that Sandra!
JennyC: Uh oh :)
Sandra Dodd: What I was doing was making sure we were having a good, productive visit, and being as sweet as we could be with her—it was me and Keith and Holly.
Sandra Dodd: We were seeing where she's living (kind of house-sitting, kind of renting).
Sandra Dodd: And as I was helping her with an infected toe I knew how much time we had. But I didn't say wo.
Sandra Dodd: so
Sandra Dodd: It was different, and I liked it, honestly.
JennyC: And it probably helped her relax
Sandra Dodd: I was planning in a kind of half-life (of radium) way—with two hours left, what's the most important thing to say or do? With one hour left. With half an hour left.
AlexPolikowsky7: okay I am going to be in and out as I am going out to help
AlexPolikowsky7: Gigi
Sandra Dodd: I also knew that what I needed to be back for—a Genius Bar appointment at the apple store—could be cancelled and rescheduled.
Sandra Dodd: So my plan B was to call them and say "can't make it; sorry." We were two hours away, on that visit.
Sandra Dodd: And so the relaxation and calm levels were high, because nobody was looking at clocks but me.
Sandra Dodd: Just thinking "lots of time" instead of "hardly any time" was helpful, too.
Sandra Dodd: Like the glass half full or half empty. :-)
Serah: that's a good strategy
JennyC: Even just thinking "I get to do this and this and this" instead of "I need to do this and this and this", makes such a difference
Sandra Dodd: Yes!
Sandra Dodd: And remembering how glad I was that we were able to be with Holly in a quiet, still, longterm way.
Robin B.: I love that, Sandra.
Sandra Dodd: We got to meet her yoga teacher (who bragged her up) and a friend of hers from a self-help group (big guy who introduced himself to us enthusiastically, when we asked if he knew where the yoga class was—he said "You must be Holly's parents!"
JennyC: I'm hardly ever just Jenny, I'm "so and so's mom"
Sandra Dodd: Then we were at a restaurant where I could still do the chat. And we got a big enough table that the computer didn't crowd us, and we were having a lot of fun with the food, and a stranger woman complimented Holly on a fancy strappy tie-dyed shirt I had sent her in the mail, and as she was modelling it for me and Keith, she was modelling it for the other diners, too. :-) It was extra calm and calming.
Sandra Dodd: Not all visits can be that way. We partly lucked out, and we partly designed and planned.
JennyC: And Holly has a sparkling presence
Sandra Dodd: So I guess I'm saying if you're lucking out, don't botch it. And if things are jittery and jangly, don't make it worse. :-)
JennyC: I love when things happen that way
JennyC: It takes mindfulness
Sandra Dodd: Thanks, Jenny. She can be sparkly.
Sandra Dodd: Are there other quotes or links people want to deposit here for current use or for those who read the transcript later?
JennyC: It's this thing she does, this smile and acknowledgment with her eyes and presence. I don't know how to say it, but I know it. I've only met her once and saw it right away.
Serah: i agree Jenny! Holly has presence!
Serah: she is sweet and sparkly all in one
Sandra Dodd: OH MY GOSH! I just went to find a Joyce Fetteroll quote. Found this, instead, on a Christian Unschooling site—not one of the ones I am familiar with, either. I didn't read more to see if there was a rebuttal or rejection, but one person wrote: "I’ve found Sandra Dodd and Joyce Fetteroll to be more respectful of children and to parent more in Jesus’ footsteps than many who profess to be Christian and yet parent very harshly."
Robin B.: Whoa!
JennyC: Well... that's something
Jill Parmer joined the chat 6 days ago
Serah: wow!
Jill Parmer: Wowzers!
Parvine: Mindful parenting and Unschooling: Joyce responses
Sandra Dodd: This is who wrote it:
Sandra Dodd: http://www.christianunschooling.com/unsc...
Sandra Dodd: I don't think I know of her.
JennyC: I don't know her either
Sandra Dodd: Parvine, on my site?
Sandra Dodd: http://sandradodd.com/mindfulparenting ?
Serah: well, everything I have learned from you Sandra is in line with Islamic parenting principles as well. Actually, unschooling demonstrates real life today examples that have somehow gotten lost in translation and through time long ago
Robin B.: I like this, from what you wrote on Radical Unschooling Info, Sandra: "Learning to be kind and gentle to a child will make you a kinder and gentler person. Learning to make choices that make you kinder and gentler to a child—more generous, softer, more patient—will help you be a better partner, adult child, neighbor, customer at the grocery store."
Robin B.: And this, from the Choices page: Don’t ever decide from one choice, you know, wait until you get two and make the better choice. And if you think “Ok, I’m either going to whack him or I’m going to yell at him,” yell at him—that was the best choice you had at that moment. And the next time, start with “yell at him." “Ok, I'm either going to do what I did the last time or something better. I'm going to yell at him or I’m going to go in the other room for a second." Go in the other room. And the next time, maybe your choice could be either “go in the other room” or “I’m going to take a deep breath and make a joke about it.” Make a joke. And gradually and incrementally you come closer to the place where you want to be. Beause I don’t think anybody can just jump from a lifetime of responses and expectations and behaviors and just pick some other person and just become that person. You can’t do that.
Robin B.: http://sandradodd.com/betterchoice.html
JennyC: And in general, you'll have more peace, because it comes from inward, self.
Sandra Dodd: I just wrote that yesterday or so, didn't I?
Robin B.: Yes!
Sandra Dodd: Whey don't I save every good thing I write? Thanks for bringing it back. :-)
Robin B.: I've used it a couple of times already! :-)
Sandra Dodd: I guess I'll stick it on Just Add Light. thank you
Robin B.: :-)
JennyC: If it weren't for you, Sandra, all of any of our good pieces of writing would be lost and gone.
Tinlizzy: Live a light and playful life.... Help it be so.... I think that's along the lines of a Sandra quote
Robin B.: Sandra, plenty of people on that site you know, though! http://www.christianunschooling.com/chri...
Sandra Dodd: I was looking, to bring the link. Yeah, lots I do recognize. :-)
Sandra Dodd: http://www.christianunschooling.com/does...
JennyC joined the chat 6 days ago
Sandra Dodd: But the Christian site I usually send out is Cathy Koetsier's in the UK. She bragged me up, too. :-)
Sandra Dodd: http://www.christian-unschooling.com/san...
Sandra Dodd: That site I'm so oh-wow excited about is on my page of resources for Christian homeschoolers. It's the third link. So I guess it wasn't new news to me today.
Sandra Dodd: I'm getting old.
Robin B.: <3 p="">
Sandra Dodd: And Kirby has told me before that because I don't remember movies very well, they can always be new to me, every time. :-)
Sandra Dodd: He wasn't really saying it in the nicest possible way... :-)
Sandra Dodd: Jenny, I'm glad that my site has become a pack-rat's dream of collected good-parts of LOTS of unschooling discussions. More and more, on google, though, there a "not mobile friendly" statement on my pages.
coco: Thank you for the writing about the better choice, really good one too!
Sandra Dodd: So it will become unused except for internet historians and web spelunkers, soon
JennyC: I've not had a problem using it with mobile devices. You just need to scroll sideways some and zoom in and out.
Sandra Dodd: I'm glad you like that, coco :-) It's been the best tool in my life. I came up with it in an SCA context, advising a friend about how he could gradually have a better more medieval-looking camp.
Sandra Dodd: When a choice comes, I said, make the more medieval choice. If buying a tent and the choices are nylon or canvas, choose canvas. If the colors are orange or brown, take brown. (Or whatever colors came to mind that evening, years ago.)
Serah: it was your site that started my journey to where we are today....
Parvine: Jenny you mentioned earlier importance of Mindfulness. I also found this helpful. http://www.joyfullyrejoycing.com/#!mindf...
Sandra Dodd: March 23, 1987, I came up with that idea about making the better choice. I know, because it was in the evening-before vigil before my friend Leif was knighted in the SCA.
Tinlizzy: I haven't had any problems on a mobile device either
JennyC: There are a few ideas that aren't unschooling that apply really well to unschooling
Sandra Dodd: Leif got tears in his eyes, later that year. Kirby was a toddler, and tripped over a twine that was tied between stakes where an area was marked off. We were camping in Colorado.
Sandra Dodd: I helped Kirby up, and showed him what he had tripped over, and showed him where the stakes were running, and how to step over it.
Sandra Dodd: And Leif was watching, and in a while when I was by myself came and talked to me and said something about me being a good mother, but then, even though I had known him for ten years, he told me something I didn't know. He had a daughter, from a teen pregnancy, and was not in contact with her at all, and wished he could have been a good dad, but didn't have the opportunity.
JennyC: It's all the moments like that one, Sandra, those little moments taken to explain and help, that really lead up to bigger and better parenting. Those little moments can't be skipped over or side stepped.
Sandra Dodd: I used that image and memory in a talk with my boys when they were mid-teens, and there was a girl in their social group, 14 or 15 years old, whose homelife was bad and who was coming on to them and their friends, teen-style.
Sandra Dodd: I used that image and memory in a talk with my boys when they were mid-teens, and there was a girl in their social group, 14 or 15 years old, whose homelife was bad and who was coming on to them and their friends, teen-style.
Sandra Dodd: I talked to four of them—mine and two friends—and said that if a girl got pregnant, she could make decisions without the boy, and they might find that they were "bad fathers" without having any chance to do better.
Sandra Dodd: One of Holly's ex boyfriends (Brett M-W for anyone who knows either of them; not Will) is in that situation right now. A short-term relationship, the woman doesn't like him anymore and is having a baby this month. Yikes. Not cool at all.
Sandra Dodd: Sorry, I kind of got off the topic.
JennyC: Those are important reminders
Sandra Dodd: But maybe not. Maybe it's that sometimes it's good to appreciate that there can be circumstances that keep us from moments we would like to be in.
Jill Parmer: Dang, I'm sorry about that for Brett.
Sandra Dodd: Gratitude for when we CAN be present, I guess, is what led me to those stories and back over here.
JennyC: It happens to a lot of young man children
Sandra Dodd: And that Leif was the one who asked me how he could have a camp more like mine and Keith's. I said Keith and I gradually improved our camp by replacing furniture and dishes and such as we found better ones, and that led to the business about the tents.
Tinlizzy: And a reminder to be mindful of how our actions now affect the future
Robin B.: Like gradually improving your parenting as you find better ways to be one.
Sandra Dodd: SO! If you need to be brought back to the moment, the best biological tool of all time: Smell your child's head.
Robin B.: :-)
Sandra Dodd: In a hug, or a soft lean-over, breathe that scent in. If you're lucky and haven't extinguished the behavior somehow, your parenting instinct, your biochemistry, should give you a love-boost just long enough to help you be better. It's a temporary power-up.
Parvine: A child's face and smile
Sandra Dodd: Thank you for coming to the chat.
Sandra Dodd: Does anyone have a request for a topic for next time?
Robin B.: Have we talked about becoming a better partner (spouse) lately? Just jumping off from this topic.
Serah: i think that's a good one!
Tinlizzy: I was going to suggest spouses too but I often get Thursday and Friday's mixed and join chat a day too late
Sandra Dodd: I've set an alarm on my phone, with a Wednesday reminder, and a half-hour-before alarm, too.
Sandra Dodd: Okay. Spouses/partners, next time.
JennyC: Sounds good :)
JennyC: Bye all
Robin B.: Thanks for the chat, all. Bye!
Robin B. left the chat 6 days ago
JennyC left the chat 6 days ago
Sandra Dodd: To subscribe to a general reminder: http://chatnotes-unschooling.blogspot.com
