Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Feeling stuck somehow?


Stuck! Stuck somehow... January 7, 2015 chat
Feeling stuck?
Stuck no car?
Stuck because of winter?
Stuck in a routine?
Stuck in your progress?
Bring some ideas, get some ideas.

[People were reporting images missing on my site.  I hadn't known, and was trying to figure out why.]

Sandra Dodd: Someday my site will be a rubble of bad links and missing photos. It can't be helped. 

Serah: Aw... Sandra, that. Makes me feel really sad

Sandra Dodd: It will be a ghost town with lots of pages available on the WayBack Machine. Some unschooler 20 years from now will probably have a page of links to some of my old pages, in facsimile that way. But the WayBack Machine is getting better and better. Links will work, if the page it's linking to is also on the WayBack machine.
Sandra Dodd: Cheer up, Serah! some of those pages already look really old-fashioned for webpages. 

Misa: I always think how, someday, a lot of "our" internet, will be gone. 

Sandra Dodd: Already, sometimes I come across an ancient page with no margins and just clip art. Sometimes it's one of mine!  

<font color=blue>NOTE:  I left more chit-chat than sometimes, because some of it can apply to a feeling of being stuck.  Skip down to bold-face if you want to get to the full-on topic part.</font>

Marta Pires: Sandra, how was the symposium? Can you tell us a bit about how it went?

Sandra Dodd: Yeah! All the families made it, though one mom came alone and then went back after two days because her five-year-old twins missed her. 
Sandra Dodd: I messed up (overpaid) on the tram tickets, and one family was unaccounted for (turns out she had stayed back at the hotel with her child who wasn't feeling well), so that was a financial glitch. I should have exchanged phone numbers with every family, before we scattered that day.
Sandra Dodd: But Hema, the Daniels, Jill and Luke, ALL spoke and really SPOKE—didn't read.
Sandra Dodd: I'm the only one who read anything. I read three or four quotes at one point, short ones. 
Sandra Dodd: ANd it occurred to me that I haven't been to a conference where everyone spoke without reading for a while, if ever. So that was really great.

Rippy: Sounds like a wonderful symposium! I wish we had all been there.
Sandra Dodd
And I had a TV for photos, and the Daniels and Hema had photos.
Maybe I should come up with a talk that involves images. I had one once, in London, three times back.
Sandra Dodd: There was food on the table, but more should've been up there. I ended up with bananas and cheese that would NOT have come home if they had been visible and available.

Marta Pires: 

Sandra Dodd: The food had the hoped-for effect. Kids weren't whiney or cranky. There was juice, and water, tea, coffee. So adults weren't cranky or whiney either.

Jill Parmer: I loved seeing James and Julie and Adam again. I really enjoyed meeting and chatting with Hema. Luke always loves chatting with Keith. And of course listening to things Sandra has thought about in her unique way. 

Serah: Sounds really nice!

Marta Pires: So cool, Jill!
Marta Pires: I wish I had been there too, Rippy.

Sandra Dodd: The hotel wasn't great, but as an emergency "save" then it WAS great. But nearly everyone had one room problem or another. I say "nearly," but as far as I know, everyone had problems with doors or heaters or electricity or lights or something. Wifi wasn't fantastic, but it was there, sometimes strong and sometimes wimpy.
Sandra Dodd: The conference rooms had no running water nor bathrooms. People who didn't have a room to go to could go to the one-seater public restroom in another building, across the lobby, down a hall a bit.
Sandra Dodd: So I joked early on that it was like camping in a heated, carpetted building.
Sandra Dodd: We had a cooler, for milk and cheese.
Sandra Dodd: Coloring and puzzles didn't go over as well as they have other years but knotwork and rangoli were actually done but lots of people.
Sandra Dodd: Not everyone came to play games, but there were lots of games played. 

Sylvia Woodman: Hello! Hello!
Sandra Dodd: I was the only one who got grumpy and nearly cried.
Sandra Dodd: Me and one little girl.

Rippy: Hi Sylvia!

Marta Pires: Oh no

Rippy: Why did you (and the little girl) almost cry 

Sandra Dodd: Oh, I did cry a bit. But turns out I was worried about Holly and a possible campout and side-trip to Bombay, which was cancelled and when it was cancelled I was all light and sparkly, so in retrospect it was that.

Sylvia Woodman: Is Holly all settled now?

Sandra Dodd: I nearly cried because after two out of four rangoli sessions, some of the jars of rangoli powder were empty on the floor. Kids had been just pouring the colors onto a table and mixing them up to brown. and it was expensive, and there was enough for families to take home and I had bought ziploc bags for them to take it home in.

Rippy: Did Holly have a good time in India?

Marta Pires: I've seen some pics Janine Davies posted on facebook. Holly seems to be ok!

Sandra Dodd: But Hema cheered me up. And there was enough for her to do other designs (not just in brown 
Sandra Dodd: And people didn't take it home and I have some for another time. But I wish they had taken it. 

Misa: \That would be frustrating.

Sylvia Woodman: I don't even know what rangoli powder is!

Sandra Dodd: It's powdered dehydrated dry rice, with color in it.
Sandra Dodd: Patterns are made with it, on the floor (and in our case, on tables). It's easy to vaccuum up.

Rippy: It's really pretty and transient art.

Sandra Dodd: http://albuquerqueallive.blogspot.com/p/...

Sandra Dodd: The little girl was crying because she couldn't get into playing with another few kids. I asked the mom if there was something I could do or someone I could talk to, but she said she thought it would be okay, and five minutes later, a string of kids ran by and she was one of them. 

Rippy: I'm happy that it worked out for both you and the little girl in the end!

Sandra Dodd: She did have a good time in India, with some frustrations and confusion, but she's glad she went and has a suitcase full of souvenir and gift stuff packed so that she didn't even need to open it in England. She packed her England-stuff separate.

Sandra Dodd: I was tired and hungry and (as Jill pointed out) not breathing. She said I wasn't doing the things I tell other people to do. She was right.
Sandra Dodd: I was pretty overwhelmed a couple of times, but I recovered almost gracefully. 
Sandra Dodd: Not quite, that first time.

Rippy: It's good you were surrounded by such a helpful bunch of people - Jill, Hema, Julie 

AlexPolikowsky1: I am glad Jill was there. She is good at pointing those things out.

Robin B.: Yes, I agree, Rippy.

Marta Pires: What Rippy said ^^^
Marta Pires: 

Sandra Dodd: Yeah, I don't mind a bit when Jill says "Snap out of it, woman!"
Sandra Dodd: (in her own words)
Sandra Dodd: I mean those were my words, not hers.


AlexPolikowsky1: 

Sandra Dodd: So being stuck.
Sandra Dodd: Any kind of stuck.
Sandra Dodd: Some are normal, some are unusual emergencies or circumstances beyond our control, some are preventable or avoidable.
Sandra Dodd: Some are of emotion or biochemistry.

Jill Parmer: It was fascinating for me to have the oldest kid there, speaking to brand spankin' newbies. The conferences I've been to have always had older kids. I had this weird sense in me that if these folks would really hear the speakers and take the tiniest bit of action they would be on their way to joyful unschooling very quickly.

Sandra Dodd: I think they all did and will, Jill. 
Sandra Dodd: It did seem like good stories being told and cool situations being shown and described.

Sandra Dodd: So if THEY were stuck, those days with others should have unstuck them some.

Jill Parmer: :::chuckle::: Wish I could say... "snap out of it, people! cheers to the kids!" Meaning snap out of the fear.

Sandra Dodd: Oh, right, Jill! Luke was the oldest!

Jill Parmer: Yeah, that was SO strange to me!

Sandra Dodd: Marty (25) visited (with Ashlee and Brett Henry) for an hour and a half or two Sunday night, to play games.

AlexPolikowsky1: I have said to friends to snap it out. Schuyler said that to me once. It worked 
Robin B.: Alex has said it to me. 
Marta Pires: Alex has said it to me too. 
AlexPolikowsky1: Did it help any Marta?
Marta Pires: It sure did, Alex!
Marta Pires: 
AlexPolikowsky1: 

Robin B.: Sandra, Mia had a great time and learned a lot.

Rippy: How old is Luke Jill?
Jill Parmer: Luke 16.
Sandra Dodd: Jennifer Jorgensen had some older kids, but very quiet older kids and I don't know that her unschooling was ever full-on, though it might've been. She's very quiet. 

Jill Parmer: Oh yeah, that's right, Sandra. They weren't around a lot. Luke liked chatting with her oldest boy.
Sandra Dodd: But of speaker kids and "demo kids," just Luke and Adam. No mass of sorooshians or dodds. 

Rippy: I might get to see Robin this year and give her a hug too - in *real life*. And I get to hug Marta in *real life* too in May. And Sara! Very excited 

Sandra Dodd: IF (if) I do it next year there should be Kirby and Rosie, at least.

Marta Pires: Yay Rippy! 
Jill Parmer: How Rippy? Robin will you be in Europe? Or Rippy in the U.S.?
Jill Parmer: There goes that jealousy again.  ​

Rippy: We just decided this week to go to Canada in September.
Rippy: When we are in Vancouver, we're going to visit Seattle for a couple of days.

Jill Parmer: Nice.

Robin B.: Yay!

Rippy: Mostly because the kids want to visit more countries and Seattle is an easy way to add USA to the number of countries they've visited.

Marta Pires: Jill, I'm still hoping that you'll come visit Addi AND me this year. 

Rippy: And then I found out that Robin lived there and it was Yay for me too!

AlexPolikowsky1: lucky you! I really want to see Robin too!

Rippy: Jill - come during the symposium and then I can see you too 

Sandra Dodd: Nice, Rippy. Is there a conference or something you can go to when you're there?
Sandra Dodd: That would be very cool, Jill, for you and Addit to go to Rippy & Marta's event.

Rippy: I didn't check Sandra. It's such a whirlwind trip since we haven't been back for while - 5.5 years!!!
<font size=+1><b>
Sandra Dodd: You guys want to talk about being stuck? We're losing our group.</b></font>
Sandra Dodd: I like my 180-day rule. If people are active and learning for 180 days, the rest can be "days off."
Sandra Dodd: People shouldn't worry about a week that seems like nothing, or a kid who seems to be in a slump.

Rippy: A lot of my friends thought that Graham and I were stuck when the kids didn't like traveling. I never felt that way, but it was funny how many times I heard it from different people.

AlexPolikowsky1: I am trying to think something I was stuck the most.

heathermbooth: I was running a unschooling discussion group. I haven't done it in two months because I'm tired of talking with people who have no interest in getting unstuck. It's exhausting.

Sandra Dodd: Oh, Heather, and the people who live near you have so many opportunities and resources RIGHT THERE.

Sandra Dodd: Twice recently I used the "fallow field" analogy—sometimes a field should just sit a year and not be planted.

Marta Pires: It has been a helpful rule for me to keep in mind too, Sandra, even though we aren't even unschooling yet. We'll start this year though! Conchinha turns 6 in May. 

jlosi: Hello, I have decided to unschool my daughter starting this semester. She is 16 and a Sophomore. To begin, we are sending her to Not Back to School Camp. I am hoping this will get her off to a good start, do you have any other suggestions? I apologize for jumping in on your conversation.

heathermbooth: I'm trying to find a way to get unstuck myself and find the energy to show up to these meetings and offer resources and perspective at least. Maybe plant some seeds. I don't want to argue though. Unschool or don't. I don't want to spend my saturday morning arguing with people about it.
Sandra Dodd: Amen. Do it or get, I'm starting to feel.

Rippy: I can understand that Heather. You want a peaceful life. That's fair.

Sandra Dodd: hen someone is willing to GIVE that time and information just out of generosity, it's tacky and churlish to be argumentative and insulting. I've had some BIG ones lately.

AlexPolikowsky1: Sandra even with resources people still get stuck. One of the moms that came to ALL Minnesota ( local ) with all she heard and books and all that she still posts things on Facebook about her kids that are so negative and antagonist. At least once a week. Sometimes seems like every other day.

Sandra Dodd: Where do you live, jlosi?
Sandra Dodd: I woudln't personally begin with Not Back to School Camp, but some people have.

Sylvia Woodman: Hi Jlosi!
Sandra Dodd: If she wants to go, and especially if she knows some of the kids, it might be good.

jlosi: I live in Southern CA near San Diego.

Sandra Dodd: It might be too wild a beginning, but depends how she is in life, emotionally and "frustrationally" 

Robin B.: Did you go to the HSC conference? If not, go this year.

jlosi: She does want to go, but she, we know no one who unschools.

Sylvia Woodman: Is NBTSC happening now? Or are you pulling her out of school now and giving her time to decompress?

Robin B.: Customarlly, camp happens in late summer.

Sandra Dodd: One suave way in California is to find some classes at a state/jr. college—music or art or something she just likes. Not academic (unless she's just very interested in something academic).

Sylvia Woodman: Yes! Go to HSC conference! Sandra are you going to be speaking there this year?  <i>[I failed to see this or respond, but I spoke in 2014 so won't be invited for another year or more. —Sandra]</i>

Sandra Dodd: Then people don't get flipped out and you can say "she's taking classes at ______whatever it is"

Rippy: I'm imagining there would be tons of unschoolers in your area jlosi. Can you reach out on a Facebook group or yahoo group and ask if there are teens that get together regularly somewhere?

jlosi: No, we did not. She has been struggling in school for a couple of years. She is very bright, but traditional school is not for her. I suggested homeschooling for awhile, but I waited for her to make the decision.

AlexPolikowsky1: Maybe meet some people at Pam Sorooshian's group? Do they still meet weekly?

Sandra Dodd: That worked great for Pam Sorooshian's daughters, and they met lots of people and a couple of them got jobs through those contacts, when they were teens.

Rippy: It might be nice for your daughter to meet someone who is going to the camp already, if that is possible.

Sandra Dodd: The HSC campouts (if you like camping, the adults) are times when you can see other families interacting, and ask all the questions you want to, while sitting on some beach or desert or mountainside. Have you joined HSC? The campouts are listed on their website.

heathermbooth: Pam's group is called Dragon Tree right?

Rippy: Alex - I think the Dragontree Learners do meet weekly. It's a big group.

Sandra Dodd: Yes, but it's far from San Diego.

Rippy: Yes Heather 

AlexPolikowsky1: But maybe still worth driving a couple hours to go to 
Sandra Dodd
There's another conference near San Diego.
jlosi, join HSC and find contacts there. 

heathermbooth: There is a Unschooling California Facebook group that Pam runs.

Sandra Dodd: And it might be worth driving to Dragontree. They stay all day and depending on the weather, sometimes the dads come for dinner. 

Sylvia Woodman: The Facebook group might be a good way to introduce yourself and maybe find some people who are local.

jlosi: I've heard of Dragon Tree in my research. I believe they are in Long Beach @ an hour away. I am willing to make the drive to help my daughter. She was imploding. She is doing better now that she knows she does not have to go back.

Sandra Dodd: http://hsc.org/home-page.html

jlosi: Thank you for the link.

Sandra Dodd: Heather, is that facebook group easy to find? Could you bring a link?

Sylvia Woodman: Here is a link for the Facebook group. If you do FB https://www.facebook.com/groups/51067813...

Sandra Dodd: Stuck in school is one we have lots of experience helping people "unstick" from.

jlosi: I have to go to the school on Tuesday and withdraw her. Do you have any suggestions?
jlosi: I've heard horror stories.

Sandra Dodd: YES! Stop using "have to."
jlosi: LOL!!! I will.
Sandra Dodd: http://sandradodd.com/haveto
Sandra Dodd: "have to" causes people to feel (and then be) stuck.

Sandra Dodd: I don't think you have to go to withdraw her.
Sandra Dodd: I do not believe that is true.

Sylvia Woodman: Have you set up your private school yet?

Sandra Dodd: Is she in school today?
Sandra Dodd: Beause there's no reason for her to be, if you're going to homeschool.

jlosi: There is a lot of learning to be done!

Sandra Dodd: Set it up and when she's enrolled in a school, she does NOT need to be "withdrawn."

jlosi: No, school comes back from break next week.

Sandra Dodd: Unless you owe them money and want to turn in her books, what else do you think is involved in "withdrawal"?

Misa: That's how it works here in Indiana. You tell them you are TRANSFERRING.

Sylvia Woodman: I think the HSC site has a sample of a letter you can sent to the school from your private school to withdraw her and request her records. If I understand the process correctly.

Sandra Dodd: I've worked in a school. It's legal in the U.S. for people to move anywhere in the country, any time, without notice, and schools frequently discover a family has moved and there's no withdrawal involved. Seriously, it's not required.

jlosi: She does have books to return, nothing else is outstanding. Transferring is good.

Misa: I think California is one of the "homeschool is private school" places. If so, you don't want to say that you're withdrawing. You want to say you're transferring.

Sandra Dodd: You could just walk in say "here are her books; she's going to be homeschooled."
Sandra Dodd: that's it.

Sylvia Woodman: But I would check the HSC page for more info.

jlosi: Thank you, I will.
jlosi: Will do.

Sandra Dodd: They don't have the right to say you can't.
Sandra Dodd: But whatever the form is to declare yourself a private school, do that.

heathermbooth: jlosi, you should join Unschooling California facebook group. They can answer all your questions about what you need to do. It's not much. Or go to the HSC website and all the information you need is there.

jlosi: My big fear is her not doing anything. She has goals and has made an initial goal map after listening to Blake Boles' audio book. This is a huge mind shift for me and I want to not push as I have been known to do. We will both be learning.

Sandra Dodd: If a child isn't withdrawn or transferred, schools might show a debt (fees or lunches or library or whatever), and they might not "transfer the records" to the new school without trying to collect on that. But you don't need her records. Public school records aren't worth a damn anyway.

jlosi: I like how you think, Sandra.

Sandra Dodd: She MUST do nothing for a while. She will not deschool if she doesn't just STOP, and just totally STOP doing anything academic for many months—maybe a year.

jlosi: Ok. Freaks me out, but I'm in.

heathermbooth: I heard horror stories too. While, I don't doubt they are out there I think they are rare, but people like to tell stories to be dramatic. I was SO scared the day I walked in to turn in my notice of withdrawl to the school in Texas. The lady thanked me and wished me well! So, I was all in a knot with anxiety for nothing.

Sandra Dodd: It will look like "not doing anything," but it's recovery just as surely as if she had a broken leg and needed a cast and a recliner for a couple of months or more. But she's had this wound festering for ten or eleven years.

Sylvia Woodman: Yes. Let her set her goals aside for now. You said school hasn't been a good fit for her. She needs time to heal from that experience.

jlosi: Thank you, Heather. I hope that is my outcome.

Sandra Dodd: jlosi, don't worry. YOU are not in school. You're not required to report to the principle. 

Sylvia Woodman: There is no law that says she has to achieve these goals by a certain time. She needs a period of time with no deadlines. No pressure.

Sandra Dodd: If you're worried and scared of just going into a school office, that's some evidence that you need a lot of deschooling, too.

jlosi: All of your words are so comforting. She does need to heal. It was painful for her at the end.

Sandra Dodd: And you certainly do need deschooling, and more than your daughter needs.
Sandra Dodd: While it will seem like nothing, it won't be.
Sandra Dodd: http://sandradodd.com/deschooling
Sandra Dodd: It cannot be rushed and nobody is an exception.
Sandra Dodd: Other stuck stories or questions?
Sandra Dodd: Cocooning can look like stuck.
Sandra Dodd: Whose quote was it the other day about expectations?

AlexPolikowsky1: and if you try to push her to "do something" it may set back her deschooling -healing- so while she decompresses and dechools you should be doing the same. 

jlosi: I absolutely need deschooling. I am a poster child for an aggressive private school education where everyone was supposed to take over the world and make the school look good. I did it because I did not have a choice at the time. This just feels right and something my husband has bee saying for awhile without knowing it was possible.

Sandra Dodd
Robyn Coburn: I suspect that any time a parent new to unschooling starts thinking "This isn't working" it is because they are holding on to an expectation.
Expectations can get in the way of seeing what is really happening.
—Robyn Coburn

Sandra Dodd: http://justaddlightandstir.blogspot.com/...

jlosi: Beautiful!
Sandra Dodd: jolosi, act like the best school break EVER, like a year of Saturdays.
Capn Franko joined the chat 6 days ago
jlosi: I will. I look forward to it!
Sandra Dodd: Whatever you associate with a "day off," do that. Do it if it's lying around in pajamas all day. Do it if it's going to Sea World or Disneyland and spending more time sitting on a bench than "doing it right." Do it if it's driving east and seeing how far you can get from San Diego in half a day and then turning around and driving home.
Sylvia Woodman: Hi Frank!
Capn Franko: Goo dmorning. I' kinda catching up...
Sandra Dodd: Or find a motel if you can afford it. Watch someone else's TV.  Eat at a restaurant you've never seen and will never see again.
heathermbooth: Mornin' Frank!
jlosi: Lying around in pajamas is what she needs.
Sandra Dodd: My husabnd said there's an old prison in Yuma that was a very fun visit, when he was on business in Arizona a few years ago.
Sandra Dodd: There's a mountain town north of Phoenix called ... Jericho? Joshua? Joseph? (some Bible thing.... or not) probably an old mining town, full of artists and cafes. You could take photos of interesting little architectural details, have a sandwich, drive back home.
jlosi: I will take her out on a few excursions. She often feels like I am dragging her anywhere. I will get ideas from her.
jlosi: I've been to Jericho, it's a wonderful little town.
jlosi: You are expanding my idea of an excursion. I have some mind opening to do on the possibilities available to us.
Sandra Dodd: Jerome!
jlosi: Jerome, that's right, it was years ago.
Sandra Dodd: Jerome, Arizona. We found it by accident, and didn't really have time for it that day and I still hope to go back.
Sandra Dodd: OH, don't take her if she doesn't want to go.
jlosi: She would like it. She is incredibly artistic. Anything artsy is good for her.
Sandra Dodd: Maybe there's music or a play or musical she would want to see that's in another town.
Sandra Dodd: You could do theatre or concert tickets and an overnight stay. Even if it's a flight to Dallas or Las Vegas.
jlosi: I won't. It will be hard for awhile to get her to want to go anywhere.
Sandra Dodd: Not so expensive from San Diego, if you can afford it.
jlosi: School shut her down.
heathermbooth: I lived in Texas most of my life. We've been in California for two years straight now. There is talk of going back to Texas and when I think of all the opportunities available here in California compared to Texas I get really nervous about leaving. We're driving to Tahoe tomorrow for my birthday. In three hours we'll be in the mountains with snow! I can't do that in Texas.
Sandra Dodd: If she doesn't have a good camera, maybe let her get one if you can afford to.
Sandra Dodd: No pressure, just the means to do/learn/explore more.
Sandra Dodd: Or a better smartphone with a good camera, maybe—consider that "educaional expense" but don't tell her so.
Sandra Dodd: I took a shockingly great photo by accident with my iPhone.
jlosi: I think she would like that. She and my sister would go on flower hunts when she was little and take pictures.
heathermbooth: Maybe that's something people that are from here take for granted. How many opportunities to do things there are here. Short drives can get you to really cool places. You have to drive for a loooooooong time in Texas to find something that doesn't look like Texas.
Sandra Dodd: -=-We're driving to Tahoe tomorrow for my birthday. In three hours we'll be in the mountains with snow! I can't do that in Texas.-=-
Sandra Dodd: -=-We're driving to Tahoe tomorrow for my birthday. In three hours we'll be in the mountains with snow! I can't do that in Texas.-=-
jlosi: Is any of this a write-off?
jlosi: speaking of educational expenses.
Sandra Dodd: Compromise on Albuquerque, Heather! 20 minutes to mountains one way, 20 minutes to desert another way.
Sandra Dodd: No "three hours"—though I think you can get nearly to Texas in three hours if you drive fast east.
Rippy: Happy birthday Heather!
Sandra Dodd: Happy birthday.
heathermbooth: If she has an iphone there are things called olloclips that are really cool! I got one for Christmas http://www.olloclip.com/
jlosi: I love Tahoe. We skied there regularly when I was growing up.
jlosi: Where are you going?
heathermbooth: Thanks y'all!
heathermbooth: Squaw Creek.
jlosi: Is that near Squaw Valley?
heathermbooth: Possibly  That may be the name and not Squaw Creek,
jlosi: It is a large resort with wonderful skiing. I wish you the best.
jlosi: I'll look into olloclip, never heard of it.
Sandra Dodd
http://justaddlightandstir.blogspot.com/...
I didn't know what I had until later. 
You can click it and then again to see the details.
heathermbooth: Thanks! It's our first time going. We aren't going to ski. We're going to play in the snow and go tubing/sledding.
Robin B.: I've never considered writing off educational expenses. They are living expenses, for us.
Sandra Dodd: When Photobucket had a 70% off of canvas prints, I got it five feet long and it's on the wall. 
heathermbooth: And be in the mountains. I LOVE mountains.
Sandra Dodd: I don't think they can be written off, much.
AlexPolikowsky1: I write off the ones I can. You need to check what your state considers it and what not. Every state is different.
Sandra Dodd: (educational expenses) but for new unschoolers it can help to think in those terms at first.
heathermbooth: If she has an iphone and likes taking pictures it's a lot of fun to have.
Sandra Dodd: Providing new, better, different supplies and opportuntities is justified if a family can afford it.
Robin B.: My husband has used his business discount to buy computer hardware/software. 
AlexPolikowsky1: Well it is not really a write off . So maybe contacting your state homeschooling association and they can help figure out if there is any educational credit or the likes in your state and how they work.
Robin B.: Yes, I see about the thought process involved. Everything can be an educational expense.
Rippy: You get discounts for some things if you are a homeschooler. I think even Apple gives homeschoolers a discount.
Sandra Dodd: Right! And some book stores.
AlexPolikowsky1: Barnes and Nobles does too! 20%
Robin B.: Yes. Art supply stores, office supplies.
AlexPolikowsky1: Yep!
Sandra Dodd: Stuck.
Sandra Dodd: Other stuckness
jlosi: She has a Samsung, the pictures are of good quality. I will contact our accountant and check with the state. I did not know about home school discounts. More good info. How do businesses verify you are a home schooler?
Misa: I'm feeling quite stuck. We moved to Indiana and I was not prepared for some cultural differences. Like... in Seattle, you don't need two cars. Sometimes, you don't even need one! Not having a second one here has been a real problem. So, we have a car but Kai hates having to get up to take my husband to work. So he's mad about that when it happens but mad when we don't go anywhere, as well. We can't afford another right now.
Misa: The transit system here is... dreadful.
Sylvia Woodman: Mass transit in most places int he US is pretty bad.
Misa: (Also, in the winter, like today, I couldn't be out there waiting for buses anyway.)
heathermbooth: They usually ask for a teacher card. You can make one online. Search for homeschool student card and there will be a way to make a teacher card as well. The state doesn't require one, but businesses will ask for one and it's easier to hand them one than inform them of state laws about not needing one.
Capn Franko: We're about 25 miles outside of downtown Seattle but the girls are still using the bus system to get to University of Washington. It's pretty cool.
Misa: Seattle has pretty decent public transit. It's getting worse, but the city itself if really walkable and, in the right places, transit is wonderful.
jlosi: LOL, Thank you, Heather.
heathermbooth: How long is the drive back and forth? How old is your child? Do you need to wake him up to take dad to work?
Jill Parmer: And how often do you need the car?
Misa: Yes. Kai is six. It's about twenty to thirty minutes one way.
Sandra Dodd joined the chat 6 days ago
Sandra Dodd: Sorry. I fell out. 
Robin B.: Misa, maybe make home as fun as being out? Lots of movies and games and Lego projects (if Kai likes that). Arrange with your husband to have the car one day a week (could you carry Kai in his pjs to the car) and have an out-day planned. Get some drive-thru breakfast.
heathermbooth: On days you aren't planning on going anywhere can dad take the car? We did that when we were a one car family in Texas. Sometimes it was inconvenient, but for the most part it worked out.
Sylvia Woodman: Oh that's pretty bad! Thats an hour in the car first thing.
Misa: Well, need is kind of debatable. We have a group he likes to go to once a week. When the weather was good, we were also doing a park day. He'd also like to be able to do something out and about once or twice a week.
Sandra Dodd
-=-How do businesses verify you are a home schooler?-=-
You show them your registration as a private school.
Sandra Dodd
-=-So, we have a car but Kai hates having to get up to take my husband to work. So he's mad about that when it happens but mad when we don't go anywhere, as well. We can't afford another right now.-=-
Let your husband take himself to work.
Sylvia Woodman: Have you made any friends at these activities? Could someone give you a ride sometime?
Sandra Dodd: Go places later.
Sandra Dodd: Take a cab.
Sandra Dodd: Seriously, a car is super expensive, but if you have one special thing worth doing, take a cab.
Jill Parmer: At the last minute can you scoop him up in a sleeping bag, so he stays warm and then buckle him kind of lying down? I did that with Luke when he was little, but it wasn't so often as once a week.
Sandra Dodd: Or take a cab to the nearest better transportation.
Robin B.: Options!
jlosi: I just registered. I'll use that.
heathermbooth: So many options! 
Robin B.: Is there a passenger train near you, Misa?
Sylvia Woodman: Do things as a family in the evenings when your husband is home.
Sylvia Woodman: Can your husband work from home some days so that you could have the car?
heathermbooth: I need to get Austin his meds. Thanks for the chat y'all!
heathermbooth left the chat 6 days ago
Misa: My husband does take the car himself most days. But we'd like to have mobility more. I think that part of the issue is that we used to have the ability to do things whenever he wanted and DID because our apartment was tiny.
Robin B.: Bye, Heather!
jlosi: I love how wide open all of your perspectives are. You truly make me see how incredible the possibilities are and how short sighted I am. This is wonderful.
Misa: We do not have a train nearby.
Capn Franko: Bye, Heather.
Robin B.: Moving is stressful anyhow, Misa. He might long for the things he's used to.
Jill Parmer: Does your husband have a co-worker nearby that he could carpool once a week?
Robin B.: longing, I mean
Sylvia Woodman: Unschooling has been really good for ME. Made ME a better, clearer thinker and writer. Unschooling has made me more creative too.
jlosi: I have to run, my husband is making his own birthday breakfast. He deserves better than that.   Thank you for all of your help and wonderful suggestions. You are all a great source of information and support. I will be back next week.
Robin B.: Bye jlosi.
Capn Franko: Bye!
Sandra Dodd: jlosi, read other things before then.  http://sandradodd.com/help
Robin B.: You choose to run!
Sandra Dodd: Go to Pam Laricchia's site. Her kids are grown
Misa: Not that he has found, no. I'm kind of of hoping that now that holidays are done, we can work on settling in and learning to enjoy things here.
Robin B.: Not "have to" 
Jill Parmer: Invest in really warm and comfortable winter clothing? Channel Norwegians! 
Misa: Robin: I sure am. Indianapolis is way different than Seattle.
Sandra Dodd: The Indianapolis zoo is great! Have you been already?
Sylvia Woodman: ^^^understatement
Robin B.: Um, yeah. I live in one and I lived in Indy for a month or two.
Sandra Dodd: Maybe get a membership and just go for short times not an all-day trudge.
Misa: Oh! No, we haven't.
Robin B.: There's racing stuff everywhere.
Misa: We did get a Children's Museum Membership.
Serah left the chat 6 days ago
Sylvia Woodman: Do you have a tourist guide book for your city? Go do and see all the things the city has to offer. Then when your Seattle friends come to visit you will know where to go.
Sandra Dodd: Maybe overnight trips for you would be good too, to towns with great transportation, if you can afford a hotel for one night. Maybe you can't, though, if another car is too much. But there's a good children's museum in St. Paul and lots of other things in Minneapolis and St. Paul.
Sandra Dodd: Sylvia's idea is great!
Misa: We'd go more but that also means getting up and taking Joe to work. Which makes Kai sullen. We could cab, but not often.
Robin B.: Great idea Sylvia!
Sandra Dodd: There might be a magazine about things for kids, too.
Sandra Dodd: Misa, yo'ure stuck because you're resentful, it sounds like.
Sandra Dodd: Look at what you DO have. Make a list if you need to.
Sylvia Woodman: Do those things on Weekends when Joe could come with you!
Robin B.: But he won't be sullen all day. You could talk up the plan. You can have something to go towards.
Sandra Dodd: What's in your house? What can you walk to? How much is a cab right, really? How much woudl it be to get a used car?
Sylvia Woodman: Maybe sweeten the pot with breakfast out?
Robin B.: Yes!
Sandra Dodd: If your mind is cluttere with "have to" and "can't" it's hard to see what you can choose to do and what you can appreciate.
Sandra Dodd: http://sandradodd.com/abundance
Sandra Dodd: http://sandradodd.com/gratitude
Sylvia Woodman: It sounds a bit like you are experiencing culture shock.
Misa: I think, yes, I am resentful. And experiencing culture shock. I'm trying to figure out how to get out of all that.
Robin B.: We always joked that the cuisine of Indianapolis was fried anything. But there are wonderful restaurants and stores there. I had my first Portabello mushroom there before it became popular on the west coast.
Jill Parmer: This is the work of an unschooling parent. Where you're at right now, what can you spice up? A few steps out your front door, what can you see? What could you do to make your area more beautiful? fun? exciting? comforting? If you explored your block, what might you find looking closely?
Sylvia Woodman: I would focus and celebrate all the things that are different about Indianapolis from Seattle. Different trees, different sky, different birds, different climate.
Misa: My block has, literally, other apartments. I live on the outskirts of the city.
AlexPolikowsky1: Indianapolis has great malls too . I remember going to some when I used to overnight there while flying. They were great!
Robin B.: Your husband has a job. That's good. You aren't living in poverty, I'm guessing. That's good, too.
Misa: Yes, that is good.
Misa: We do talk about how nice it is to see the sky.
Misa: And snow!
Sandra Dodd joined the chat 6 days ago
Misa: We did snow things. Snow ice cream. Snow angels.
Sandra Dodd
Didn't find a magazine about kids' doings, but found that the zoo has a roller coaster (kid sized):  http://youtube.com/watch?v=k-1QQyn9ivM
AlexPolikowsky1: There maybe a moon dog early evening if it is cold enough and bright enough. We had one for the last 2 nights. Go out and check it out at night!
Sylvia Woodman: Maybe read some of those Little House on the Prairie books. Pretend you are pioneers!
Robin B.: I have friends from Brussels, Belgium who relocated to Indy (he's a race car driver, now team owner). It was definitely culture shock for them, but they figured it out. You will, too.
AlexPolikowsky1: connect with homeschoolers in the area. Maybe they have groups that go swimming or iceskating or something and someone would give you a ride
Misa: So, that's the other issue. Kai has decided that everything is boring. So he watches Minecraft videos "because at least I like those some". I sometimes wonder if we just need to apply the "time" treatment.
Sandra Dodd: Misa, if he's bored, he will eventually come out of that and want to do something. Maybe let him watch what he wants to do.
Sandra Dodd: Meaning what? "I sometimes wonder if we just need to apply the "time" treatment."
AlexPolikowsky1: Moving to Minnesota was a big culture shock for me. I lived in California and North Carolina and I am from Brazil. But now I like it here. It is a great family place and very very diverse ( where I live) and we have great places!
Sandra Dodd: i don't think you "just" need to "apply" anything.
Jill Parmer: It kinda sounds like Kai's reaction is the same as yours. I wonder what would happen if you perked up a bit?
Sandra Dodd: I think you should be a good unschooling moms. Let us help you figure out lots of options, and then you joyfully and sweetly be joyful and sweet!! 
Misa: I would like to be joyful and sweet.
Sandra Dodd
Suggestions for creating abundance when funds are low:
Sandra Dodd
How to face problems:
(also by Deb Lewis, as the next one will be, too)
http://sandradodd.com/deblewis/humor
Sandra Dodd
Things to do in the winter:
Sandra Dodd: What is "apply the time treatment"?
Sandra Dodd: 180 days off? 
Misa: I meant just give it time.
AlexPolikowsky1: Then be joyfully and sweet. IT is a choice 
Sandra Dodd
-=-I would like to be joyful and sweet.-=-
http://sandradodd.com/breathe
Sandra Dodd
http://sandradodd.com/negativity
Every negative statement, depressing movie, sad song, every sigh heaved, every eye rolled, is poison.
Robin B.: Bring him yummy snacks while he watches Minecraft videos. Find more for him. Give him what he likes most, right now.
Misa: I'm working on being more positive. (I'm checking out those links, too.)
Robin B.: Get him a minecraft wool cap for when you go out in the snow!
Sandra Dodd
A sad song on an otherwise fortified, uplifted, easy-to-laugh environment won't hurt.
A sad song on a nearly suicidal day can cause suicide.
Jill Parmer: I've seen some posts going around facebook about how other cultures do some things. I was in Norway for one winter, and it was so magical, so wintery and people drink Glogg, and dress warmly and stylishly. http://www.mnn.com/family/family-activit...
Sandra Dodd
-=-I'm working on being more positive-=-
Working is hard, dull, boring and negative. Don't work. Decide.
Sandra Dodd: http://sandradodd.com/choice
Sandra Dodd: http://sandradodd.com/options
Sandra Dodd: And you can't decide ONCE to be more positive.
Russ joined the chat 6 days ago
Sandra Dodd: You decide evertime you're about to speak or act, or look or touch, or cook or fold or check the mail. Do it lightly.
Sandra Dodd: Do it sweetly.
Sandra Dodd: Make a choice every time.
Rippy: Does he like warm foot baths? Sometimes when my kids are in a funk (or cold, or bored, or just because) I bring them a warm footbath and something yummy while they watch their videos.
Misa: That's a good idea, Rippy.
Rippy: It's fun to think of nice things to do for them while they are 'just sitting there and watching a video'.
Jill Parmer: Or heated corn bags.
Rippy: It's fun for the mom, I mean :-0
Sandra Dodd
http://sandradodd.com/parentingpeacefully
There's a transcript at the bottom of part of the sound file (free, there on that page too)
If you decide not to read that or learn to do that, it will be one really bad decision that will affect the rest of your life. Not to put too much pressure on you, but that's the key. Learn to choose the best thing you can do, over and over and over forevermore.
Robin B.: I went to the link you posted, Jill. Very interesting!
AlexPolikowsky1: Maybe you need to Mysig:
AlexPolikowsky1: Mysig (pronounced MEE-sig) Describing anything that is in any way cozy, exceptionally pleasant, comfortable, or having an unexpectedly good (but relaxing) vibe. It’s related to the word mysa above, but it describes a place or a situation rather than what you’re doing. The classic example of something that’s mysig in the swedish context has to be a warm living room on a cold winter’s eve, candles flickering in the windows and a soft comfy couch in front of a roaring fire, a cup of something warm and a something sweet to eat. If that doesn’t warm the cockles of your heart, I don’t know what will.
AlexPolikowsky1: from this site:
AlexPolikowsky1: http://blogs.sweden.se/expat/2012/03/29/...
Robin B.: If he likes his back massaged (some kids don't), do that.
Misa: I do want to make things around here more "cozy". Mysig is a really neat word, Alex.
Sandra Dodd: And YOU-the-mom do things. Interesting things. Not just kid things.
Robin B.: Make hot chocolate, if he likes that. A lot!
Rippy: Maybe find funny videos on youtube that you think would get a giggle out of him.
Jill Parmer
Learn to knit
Make a quilt
Robin B.: Cozy things like that!
Sandra Dodd: Corn bags can be made with rice and a cotton sock, if you don't have a car to buy seed corn, or if you don't sew.
Misa: I've taken up knitting (again) lately. And enjoying it. It has helped quite a bit.
Sandra Dodd: Fill it half way with rice (uncooked, whole rice), tie it off, or sew it shut, and heat it in the microwave a couple of minutes.
Sandra Dodd: Warm for a long time.
Capn Franko: For Christmas I got some slippers with corn (or whatever) in them that you microwave for a bit, then wear. AHHHHHH! Warm and comnforting.
Misa: He'd probably love that.
Robin B.: Knit your son something special. Put your love into it.
AlexPolikowsky1: My son had an ingrown nail and got it cirurgically removed. The doctor had him do foot baths. We have one of those that have jets and he loved them and did them way longer than the doctor told him he needed.
Misa: Sometimes, I throw his clothes in the dryer. Or a towel, if he's in the bath.
AlexPolikowsky1: Gigi my daughter loves back massages and her back scratched. Those two things are soothing for them.
Sylvia Woodman: Look on Ravelry.com for free knitting patterns. There are tons of things. Dr Who, Minecraft, other things.
Misa: I'm working on a Harry Potter scarf for him right now. He's very excited about it.
AlexPolikowsky1: My kids like to play video games with me. It really makes them happy. Gigi also sometimes likes to watch Anime with me and I will watch with her for hours.
Rippy: My kids love massages too. If I heat up some oil and rub their feet or their backs they love it. Once we walked by a fish spa and wanted to go in. I didn't think they'd like it, but they LOVED it.
Sandra Dodd: If you sew, find a feed store and buy some whole corn. That heats hotter and longer. Make a little pillow—like the size of a wash cloth. You can use two washcloths from the thrift store, or use a towel you have that's wearing out, and use the best parts. Put the corn in there so it's just a layer or two flat (so it's flexible) and heat it three minutes in the microwave and it's GREAT to hold in your lap, or in your hands, or by feet in the bed at night.
AlexPolikowsky1: I want to do a fish foot spa too 
Sandra Dodd: Frank, I hadn't heard of slippers. Barley, I'm guessing, if you can walk on it.
Rippy: They are popular here in Europe Alex.
Sandra Dodd: Or if it's up in the top or sides.
Misa: I've always wanted to do one of those fish spas.
Sylvia Woodman: Oh Harry Potter! Have a movie marathon. We got a harry Potter inspired cookbook and had a Hogwarts inspired Halloween Feast!
Capn Franko: Probably barley. Whatever is in 'em, they're SWELL!
AlexPolikowsky1: You can make lots of things with snow too! Ice cream, paint with food coloring, and so much more. Pinterest if full of ideas
Capn Franko: It's all around. Bottom too and that makes walking on them *interetsting* but comfy and kinda massaging.
Misa: We did "celebratory snow ice cream breakfast". With Sprinkles!
Sandra Dodd
Yes. Instead of asking your son if he wants to watch Harry Potter, maybe YOU watch it. He might or might not join you, maybe just for the good parts. But in a parallel-play way if you're doing something he might be interested in, he has a quick option to what he's doing.
http://sandradodd.com/truck
Rippy: When he's in the bath, maybe turn off the lights and light candles and make shadow figures together. My kids like that too.
Robin B.: Frank, can I ask Ronnie where she got them (if she got them)? Ross's feet are really cold these days.
Sandra Dodd: Get a light stick for the bathtub! You can mail order them.
Misa: They have them at the dollar store here!
Sandra Dodd: They don't last as long in warm water but they glow BRIGHTly.
AlexPolikowsky1: http://www.pinterest.com/search/pins/?q=...
Robin B.: Bathtub crayons to draw!
Capn Franko: I think they're from Bed Bath and Beyond. They weren't expensive.
Robin B.: Okay, great. I'll check 'em out.
Sandra Dodd: Ice, in the bathtub
Marta Pires joined the chat 6 days ago
Rippy: music playing in the background can also cheer up moods and make people less sad.
Misa: We sometimes do ice. Sometimes, with different colors in them, so when they melt, they mix and turn another color.
Sandra Dodd: Nice-smelling food.
Capn Franko: My extremeties are colder thses days in my dotage than they were when I was younger. Slippers, gloces, hats are all my friends.
Sylvia Woodman: save plastic containers from cottage cheese and such -- different sizes and shapes and put water and food coloring in them and leave them out overnight and play with the colored ice.
Sandra Dodd: Cookies, bacon, corn
Sandra Dodd: Popcorn is not expensive.
Sandra Dodd: And it's fun, and leftovers can be chucked outside for birds
Marta Pires: Loved the chat. Going to go help Conchinha take her first steps in Minecraft. And buy Rippy's plane tickets for May.  See y'all next week!
Sandra Dodd: Woohoo! Minecraft!
Sylvia Woodman
And I've always wanted to make these!  http://youtube.com/watch?v=MFLcprjcUiU
Sandra Dodd: Woohoo Rippy!
Marta Pires: 
Misa: We did just buy a popcorn popper.
Rippy: Bye Marta! See you in May  Exciting about the tickets!!!
Marta Pires: Woohoo all around!!!
Sandra Dodd: Keith plays with 5 gallon buckets (frozen, ice) every year. We have three out right now.
Sandra Dodd: year we put candles in them, along the walkway, for a party.
Rippy: Does he see you laugh Misa? Smile lots and some big belly laughs too?
Sandra Dodd: The first year we were here
Jill Parmer: colorful frozen balls for outside http://woodsandwater.livedan330.com/2014...
Rippy: If not, find things that make you laugh out loud and smile lots.
Robin B.: Good idea, Rippy.
Misa: Probably not. I'm not very cheerful right now. I try to be, but it's been very difficult.
Rippy: Because of the move?
Capn Franko: It's like Alex used to say when she was a flight attendant: Put on your own oxygen mask first.
Sandra Dodd
-=-Probably not. I'm not very cheerful right now. I try to be, but it's been very difficult.-=-
If you repeat this to yourself ten times, you will totally negate all the ideas people have offered you today.
Sandra Dodd: CHOOSE.
Sandra Dodd: Choose, when you decide what to think, and wrote, and post.
Misa: In part, yes. I think that's part of it, Rippy.
Sandra Dodd: Every move you make, mental, verbal, physical, will take you up or down.
Sandra Dodd: And your son's environment is dependent on you.
Misa: That's a good point.
Sandra Dodd: You don't have the luxury of staying in a slump, if you're going to unschool.
Sandra Dodd: Would he like school better than home? The bus will pick him up, I bet.
Misa: No, he doesn't want school. I've asked if he'd like that.
Sandra Dodd: If you choose to keep him home, make it better than school. It's a responsibility you've taken on.
Sandra Dodd: There are enough ideas in the links above to make the rest of this week fantastic.
Sandra Dodd: But only if you do them.
Rippy: I was pretty down once upon a time Misa. Unschooling won't have a chance to flourish in that kind of environment. Find things that bring you up.
Sandra Dodd: Those three deb links are about winter and lack of funds.  You don't have an excuse.

AlexPolikowsky1: yep Frank. I think I set the mood in my house. If I am attentive, loving and happy I can help my kids and even my husband be more joyful and content and things are a lot more peaceful
Misa: Thank you. I've got them open in other tabs and plan on looking through them and doing some of those things.
Capn Franko: Ok, I gotta go. Robin, see you SOON for band practice! See y'all later
Sandra Dodd: Oooh, band practice.  Sounds fun.
Sandra Dodd: I'm going to bring in lots of firewood in prep for the weekend. It's supposed to get colder.
Misa: Thank you for the help, everyone.
Sandra Dodd: Thanks for coming here, everybody!!
Rippy: Bye everyone!
Sandra Dodd: To leave in the coolest way, type this on its own line: /bye
Sandra Dodd left the chat 6 days ago
Rippy left the chat 6 days ago
AlexPolikowsky1: I got to brave the cold and feed little kittens in the barn (they are in a room with a heater). Bye!
Russ left the chat 6 days ago
Capn Franko: Yes! The greybeards and Hot Backup CHicks are gonna get together once again! Just starting to choose songs and schedule group practice with the band scarrerted from Canada to San Diego! (grin) Now, THAT is Winter fun!
Misa: Sounds fun.
Capn Franko: It's a great time! UNschooling parents rock. Literally! (grin)

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