Sandra Dodd: Today's topic is to be teens.
Sandra Dodd: Perhaps my page is getting outdated, or maybe it's just the intro to a bunch of former teens who are now adults, but I have
Sandra Dodd: http://sandradodd.com/teens
Sandra Dodd: and http://sandradodd.com/teens.html
Kate: Oh so nice. My daughter will be turning 13 in November but I feel like she's already been living in her teens for a while now. :)
AlexP joined the chat 6 days ago
Sandra Dodd: ooops.
Sandra Dodd: http://sandradodd.com/teen/
Sandra Dodd: Kate, it's about language, isn't it? :-)
AlexP: Here!
Sandra Dodd: Twelve and thirteen are as near together as fifteen and sixteen, only "Twelve" has no "teen" ending.
Kate: Yes for sure
Sandra Dodd: Lots of our "problems" and considerations are about language rather than biology or objective reality.
Sandra Dodd: I find that when people translate what I've written into other languages sometimes. Sometimes the problem doesn't translate. :-) Or a new problem arises, and the solution or conclusion (whatever helped English speakers) doesn't translate!
Sylvia Woodman: Is being a teenager unique to English speaking countries?
Sandra Dodd: It must be, Sylvia!
Kate: I love reading your wisdom Sandra. My daughter left school at the end of this past April. I feel like we are still in the de-schooling phase. I love what I read about unschooling and I'm finding it challenging to answer family members questions about what Brooke is doing these days.
Sandra Dodd: Or to countries without special words for 11 and 12.
Sylvia Woodman: or different words for 13 and 14
AlexP: In Brazil there is not a cut and dry age but if the child starts changing that is when they are adolescentes
Kate: More important to me than what others think though is being at peace with the decision to unschool and knowing I am doing what's best for my child.
Sandra Dodd: Save good stories to tell relatives. or keep a blog with photos of her doing interesting things, or photos she has taken. Then if they ask, you can send a link. Or if they ask in person, you could say they should follow the blog! ;-)
AlexP: So it could be at 12 or 14
Sylvia Woodman: Or 10 or 11.
Marta Venturini: Yes, Alex. I was thinking that about how it works here and that's how it is.
Marta Venturini: Here = Portugal
Virginia W: My oldest is 11 and is in puberty.
M Randolph joined the chat 6 days ago
Sylvia Woodman: Maria!!!!
Parvine: i grew up without a word for teens. Adult friends refer to each other as " children" in Persian.
M Randolph: Hey there! Late to the party and may have to duck out to work, but I wanted to say hello. Hopefully I can join more often in the future.
AlexP: We are pretty vague about what our son does. My husband answers by saying he is more of a brain child and does his own thing. We dont keep trying to explain anything
Sylvia Woodman: I always prep before going to any family events. I try to have several good stories to tell about the kids in answer to questions that anyone might have.
Virginia W: My older daughter is like that. All her interests are abstract.
Kate: I share things Brooke is interested in and how she's spending some of her time, but it seems they expect it to look like school. I explain a bit about why that's not our approach but I really don't enjoy the conversations, and don't want to keep having them.
M Randolph: I prep a bit in advance for myself, too. We will be attending a dinner with an older couple we recently met. My daughter is so looking forward to playing their Steinway, and they've especially invited her. They are steeped in academia. Our first meeting was a 'grill' session. ;)
AlexP: My son does not even go to family gatherings much or at all now. Lucky for us Gigi, my daughter , is a distraction as she does a lot of things that are more mainstream.
Sylvia Woodman: I try to shift the focus less toward "academics" and more toward "really cool" things that they are doing/reading/watching/participating in
M Randolph: So we are prepping for some questions and how we might respond so that we can all focus on enjoying one another's company.
Parvine: Doing his or her own thing is a sentence I use and also share their specific interests but sometimes tends to turn to questions about possible exams in those areas..
AlexP: Kate I say my son is interested in History ( he loves Middle Ages ) and Chemistry ( he did want a big chemstry set, lab coat and has a crazy scientist cosplay we are making for him.
Virginia W left the chat 6 days ago
Virginia W joined the chat 6 days ago
AlexP: But I dont say much. Changing the subject is what I do best! Turn the question to be about the person questioning.
Kate: Part of the concern from our family members is about what my daughter tells their children when she is asked. My sister in law in particular was upset that my daughter told her young daughter that she doesn't really do anything (which of course isn't true) but compared to school, that's her truth.
Sandra Dodd: Parvine, it's probably healthier, the non-teen-focus language/culture.
Sandra Dodd: -=- it seems they expect it to look like school.-=-
Sandra Dodd: -=- it seems they expect it to look like school.-=-
Sandra Dodd: Say in advance, then, "It won't look like school" and if it persists, say "Do you really want to know?
Sandra Dodd: -=- I explain a bit about why that's not our approach but I really don't enjoy the conversations, and don't want to keep having them.-=-
Sandra Dodd: -=- I explain a bit about why that's not our approach but I really don't enjoy the conversations, and don't want to keep having them.-=-
Sandra Dodd: Don't explain your approach. that would even bore me.
Sandra Dodd: Tell an interesting story about butterflies or muffins or puzzles or hairdos or something real that happened.
Sylvia Woodman: I have some relatives who are school administrators in the NYC public school system. So with them I reference John Holt and the Open Classroom movement. That they can understand.
Sandra Dodd: -=-sometimes tends to turn to questions about possible exams in those areas..-=-
Sylvia Woodman: But that was ONLY because they pressed me. Most people don't really care.
Sandra Dodd: I would say "We don't know yet," or "We'll have to see!" and the smile.
Sandra Dodd: Here's something Laurie Wolfrum wrote: http://sandradodd.com/beandip
Parvine: Yes! We will have to see is one of my favourites and moving onto another topic.
Parvine: :)
AlexP: I have use the Open Classroom/john Holt to explain quickly, without going into details, to people.
Sandra Dodd: -=- Part of the concern from our family members is about what my daughter tells their children when she is asked.-=-
Sandra Dodd: Maybe avoid them for a few years. Seriously. Find honest reasons not to get together, and if they ask say you didn't want their children to be irritated.
Sandra Dodd: OR (AND) tell your daughter not to say things to make them feel bad.
Sandra Dodd: MANY unschoolers seem miffed or offended if cousins say that a child should go to school. They don't seem to notice the damage done by their own unschooled child talking about how fun her life is to those cousins.
Sandra Dodd: Young children can understand about not talking about a party to children who aren't invited. Maybe they could be coached or reminded to talk about other things, when they can, than their cushy privileged life of fun.
Kate: Yeah I just don't expect to win anyone over and I don't want them to feel like I care about their approval or even their understanding. I don't see it happening (their approval or their understanding) so I'd love to let go of the whole discussion.
Sandra Dodd: Things will change, Kate. It never stays the same for ten years.
Sylvia Woodman: That's a good point. It's important not to "rub it" in someone's face.
Sandra Dodd: Either your kids will win them over, or they will meet other homeschoolers and unschoolers, or something.
Sandra Dodd: But still it's good to try to avoid the discussion.
Sandra Dodd: Maybe you could buy paper copies of Pam Laricchia's first book "Free to Learn" and give them to those relatives and say it will help them understand it.
Parvine: I have found people overall have a lot more positive comments to say with every passing year. They can also relate to my saying they have various options but undecided yet.
Kate: I like the idea of turning back to them with questions. Asking how their child is doing.
Sandra Dodd: In the future if they start to ask you questions, stop them mid-word and say "Did you read that book I gave you?"
Sandra Dodd: If they say yes say "It's like that."
Sandra Dodd: If they say no, say "When you're read it, we could talk about it some more. It's only 100 pages."
Sandra Dodd: If they say they don't want to read it (which I don't think anyone will) you could say "Then if you don't really care that much, let's talk about something else."
Sandra Dodd: http://sandradodd.com/beandip
M Randolph: Kate, along with turning back to them for questions. I find many people want to know what my daughter is doing so they have something to talk to her about. When things start to turn towards pressing her (ex: how will you go to college?) she will often say "What did you want to do at my age?"
Sandra Dodd: The thing with teens in my experience, and in general, is that they become increasingly able to get out and about on their own.
Kate: That's great Sandra ~ what you said about sharing Pam's book and how to respond in the future.
Sandra Dodd: That's great, M Randolph, for her to be able to ask them a question in return (or in substitution).
Sylvia Woodman: I love that Maria!
Sandra Dodd: When a relative WILL read that book, they will probably really stop asking you. It's clear and short and good.
Sandra Dodd: So...
Sandra Dodd: TEENS.
AlexP: Teens!
Sandra Dodd: Parents of young children might be thinking they'll be home fulltime until they're grown. Some are. Some kids are homebodies or shy or don't get the urge to go and mingle.
Sandra Dodd: More commonly, though they might want to be out more.
Sandra Dodd: There was a time when I had zero teens. Then I had three of them at once. Now I have zero again.
Sandra Dodd: I've had three pass through those early double-digit years. :-)
M Randolph: My daughter is definitely at the 'want to be out more' stage.
Sandra Dodd: it can help for parents to help them (if they need help; some don't) to have opportunities to do what adults are doing. Rock-climbing club. Volunteering in the community.
AlexP: My son is very private. More than before, he goes for walks at night in the farm, he is very into his own things. Sure I help him and do things for him ( sewing him his cosplay lately) but he has detached so much it is hard for me.
Sandra Dodd: Museum volunteering. Photography contexts. What else?
Sandra Dodd: Name some other things that adults do that teens can be included in.
Virginia W: Humane shelter volunteering
Sylvia Woodman: Community Theater
AlexP: my son
Sandra Dodd: Earth day clean-ups / rallies (coming in April, I think)
Parvine: Leili would like to do volunteering at library.
Sandra Dodd: Choirs
Virginia W: Small businesses (dog walking, yard work)
Sandra Dodd: Robbie Prieto is in birdwatching groups, and participates online about bird sightings and identifications.
Sandra Dodd: Informal sports, games with friends, opened up to invite others—mixed age games.
Virginia W: Online communities like DeviantArt
Sandra Dodd: martial arts
Virginia W: Game nights at local game shops
Sandra Dodd: Art classes or activities (depends on the locals who might be offering or organizing what).
Sandra Dodd: Things like that are not "for teens." They're for people.
Sylvia Woodman: What about reenactment groups?
Sandra Dodd: The more your kids do real things, with real people, the more contacts they will have outside the house, and those things will help them in lots of ways.
Sandra Dodd: Depends on the group whether the child can go without parents.
Sandra Dodd: (to Sylvia, about reenactments)
AlexP: My son does not want to leave the house because of his acne. He says he looks horrible and ugly. He is treating with antibiotic prescribed by the doctor and I have bought him many different treatements and he has found dome that wwok well. It is better .Really he has a couple pimple in his face but for him it is the end of the world. Nothing I can say make him feel better. He is a perfectionist when ti comes to skin. He is taking great care of it but for him he looks in the mirror and sees a monster. How can I help him. He says he will do things he is interested in when he is not ugly anymore.
Sandra Dodd: It's possible sometimes if they meet a family they like for the parents to provide paperwork so that the teen can attend with other adults as temporary guardians. We did that for other people's kids and SCA events for years. I would do the paperwork (from forms online) and the kids would get their parents to sign it. We had four extra kids for one long weekend campout.
Sandra Dodd: Alex, the way to help him might be to say 'isn't it nice that you don't have to go to school? School kids with acne don't have options."
Sandra Dodd: I had really bad skin as a teen and young adult, and I picked at it.
Virginia W: I remember having that feeling myself, as a teen, Alex
Sandra Dodd: And I lived with that at school.
AlexP: I had bad sking but
Sandra Dodd: One friend of mine had serious acne like a whole layer under his skin. Poor guy. I had known him since we were 11, and I knew him when we were adults.
AlexP: I did not get that upset as he does.
Sandra Dodd: When he was in college he had a treatment called "skin peel" and I have no idea whether they still do that. It was kind of harsh, but he was happy with it.
Virginia W: My daughter (11) is getting a lot of acne now, and it doesn't seem to bother her at all. Mine bothered me greatly.
AlexP: One of my friend had too and I rememnber it being to horrible for him. Now Daniel,s skin was bad but not that bad and now it is much better but for him it is horrible.
Sandra Dodd: I don't know whether he would've grown out of it anyway or whether those treatments hepled. It's hard to prove in those years (maybe in ANY stage of life) whether a treatment was to credit for a change....
Sandra Dodd: since people change anyway
Marta Venturini: I remember feeling that way too. And acne hurts, it's uncomfortable for a lot of reasons. I tried everything and only age did it for me.
Marta Venturini: The pimples hurt, I meant.
Sandra Dodd: We got shower-acne-wash things and put the in the bathrooms. Sometimes they were fun or cute or smelled good. Whether they help or not, it's a distraction during the days (weeks, months) that the child is in that stage of life.
Robin B. joined the chat 6 days ago
Marta Venturini: Alex, how old is MD?
AlexP: Because I had bad skin I know all the stuff that helps and I used them so I could really help him with that. It took him awhile for him to used them as it is needed but now he is great about it and i took him to get antibiotic and that has helped immensily. So we are actively treating and it is getting better but he is one of those that wants perfection.
AlexP: MD is 13
AlexP: He will be 14 in the end of June
Virginia W: Having had several different kinds of acne at different times of my life for various reasons, I think hormones causes it more than anything else.
AlexP: Definitely Virginia . He started changing at 11. 13 has been the worse for acne for him. He says he looks ugly and I tell him he does not . I am not dismissing his feelings but really he does not.
Robin B.: Adding to the list of things teens can do, with adults: Gaming conventions, Cosplay conventions
Sandra Dodd: I think that's definitely true, Virginia. People (other people, noisy people) will say french fries cause it, or candy, but that doesn't seem to be true—I saw kids deprive themselves, and kid gorge, and it seemed all the same (except for the stress and deprivation, which could not POSSIBLY have helped).
AlexP: It is just HUGE for him now and I dont know what else I can do to help him.
Sandra Dodd: Maybe just don't talk about it. Let him be home for a year or two or until he wants out.
Sandra Dodd: If he says "I'm ugly" don't argue with him. Just change the subject, maybe.
Marta Venturini: I remember people telling me that chocolate causes acne, oh and that olives cause acne, so I shouldn't eat those.
Sandra Dodd: It's a HUGE luxury, as big as anything on earth, that unschooled kids CAN hide out if they feel the need to.
Robin B.: Yes ^. He might change his mind. ~ He says he will do things he is interested in when he is not ugly anymore. ~ These are things "out?"
Sandra Dodd: Where as school just wants them in there, again, too early, too long, acne and extra-oily hair and painful early menstruation and all.
AlexP: I have to say I am pretty kowledgeble about acne because of years ( I still have it) of treating it. But I was not as self conscious about it. He is so sensitive . and Yes I am glad he can hide out. He goes to walks at night in the farm. He has no fear of been all theway behind the woods ( top of the hill if you have been here) at midnight ! Brian said he would have been scared!
AlexP: Robin is things out. Like TaeKwonDo and even SCA events
Robin B.: So, he liked those and now he wants to hide out for awhile. Isn't that okay?
Sylvia Woodman: Oh! I remember having my period in school and just wanting to go back to bed and nurse my cramps and headache. But having to go to class and gym and take quizzes and write essays. It was terrible. I'm so glad that isn't going to be Gabriella's experience.
Marta Venturini: Is there any way he can conceal it with makeup, Alex? (without looking like he did)
Robin B.: Maybe the help he needs is for you to accept where he's at and give him help when he says he wants it. And like Sandra says, don't argue with him. Just change the subject.
Sandra Dodd: He could wrap his face and hands in gauze, for the SCA, and say he has leprosy. :-) Just a gauze face veil. :-) Could be a persona detail.
AlexP: probably but he wont do it. I am okay with him being home. Really. His dad it totally okay . I just dont know what to say so maybe I should just keep listening to him .
AlexP: Oh Sandra that is an awesome idea! I will make a joke about it next time and I bet he will like that idea!
Sylvia Woodman: There was a Nathaniel Hawthorn story called the Man Behind the Veil I think....
AlexP: I meant he wont do the make up.
Sandra Dodd: Might it be helpful to look up photos online of more serious acne than his?
Sandra Dodd: Maybe by comparison he won't feel so bad.
Sandra Dodd: It helped at school (SADLY, very sadly) to see kids who had it worse. Poor kids.
AlexP: The leprosy sounds awesome and right up his alley!
Sandra Dodd: But photos online aren't likely to induce that sorrow, especially if they're "before" photos of people who've gotten older, gotten better.
Sylvia Woodman: Is this the only time in history where someone says, "Leprosy sounds awesome!"?
Sylvia Woodman: :D
Marta Venturini: :)
Sandra Dodd: I still think reminding him that he doesn't need to go to school would be good.
AlexP: :)
Sandra Dodd: Maybe, Sylvia. :-) There is leprosy in two movies I can think of easily: Ben Hur (and Roman naval battle with oarsmen, and the chariot race which is awesome) and Jesus Christ, Superstar, the musical.
Sandra Dodd: Leprosy is more of a plot element in Ben Hur than in the other.
AlexP: I think my issues steam from my mother's well intetioned "Come on or you will miss it." IF I was reading all day and it was sunny and beautiful out she would mention the beautiful day and how I was "missing" it. So I grew always feeling I missed something if I wanted to just stay in .
Robin B.: Aha.
Robin B.: :-)
Sandra Dodd: Kingdom of Heaven has a king with leprosy. El Cid has one scene with a leper.
Sandra Dodd: So he might be inspired AND see movies with medieval or roman costume and armor, swords, lots of good stuff.
AlexP: I caught myself years ago saying something like that to my kids and I am happy I was awere and have not repeated it. Gigi can get caught up in feeling like I felt easy.
Sandra Dodd: And he might be happy to have acne instad of leprosy
AlexP: Making a mental note of those movies
Sandra Dodd: Some teens take many more showers.
Sandra Dodd: Some teens eat much more food.
Sandra Dodd: Most teens sleep much more... sleep.
AlexP: Sorry about all the misspellings but I am in the little keyboard in my tablet and still getting a hang of it. B ut it is coming. No spellcheck to help out either.
Sylvia Woodman: Gabriella is eating and sleeping much more than she did even 6 months ago. She is 11.5
Sandra Dodd: Some who were happy with thrift-store clothing or hand-me-downs want nicer clothes, a bit, when they get older.
Sandra Dodd: holly mostly wanted more thrift-store clothes and hand-me-downs, to mix and match more.
Robin B. joined the chat 6 days ago
Sylvia Woodman: And Harry, who is 9 suddenly is trying new foods at an astonishing rate!
Virginia W: Lydia, too, just turned 11.
AlexP: what about mood swings ?
Sandra Dodd: Marty wanted an expensive duster (kind of cowboy coat, canvas). I got it for him. He wore it for years, and now it's hanging here and he won't even take it to his own house. :-)
Virginia W: The time when she sleeps precesses because she's on a more than 24 hour cycle
Sandra Dodd: His hat's here, too.
AlexP: ANd I just made an Inverness Cape for my son. He has this outfit that is what he wants to wear all the timel He says it is his mad scientist clothes.
Sandra Dodd: http://sandradodd.com/marty/poem
AlexP: Oh yeah it has a top had and I had to make this big bow and white ribbon to put in his hat.
Sylvia Woodman: Gabriella is experiencing mood swings. I keep trying to keep things soft and sweet for her here at home. Lots of ups and downs with her friends. About things I have a hard time understanding. But it's all very real to her.
M Randolph: More sleep, way more sleep here. More food..and more showers. This shifted around 12/13 for my daughter.
M Randolph: More interest in shopping for her own clothing, organizing her life in a way that works for her, ownership of daily activities.
AlexP: The softer I am with my son, specially when he is not in a good mood., the betterl
AlexP: Yes Daniel has kept his room locked and impecably clean now. He even makes his bed.
Sandra Dodd: Kids' life stages seem (to the mom) as though they're lasting forever.
AlexP: Now he is eating less not more.
Sandra Dodd: When a parent is flipping out over a two year old, or five year old, it's easy to seem dismissive or condescending by saying "He'll get older."
Sylvia Woodman: That might change again, Alex. :)
Sandra Dodd: Did he get tall already, Alex?
Sylvia Woodman: Jim remembers age 15 as being his "hungry" year.
Sandra Dodd: It can take a lot of sandwiches to get a boy tall, it seems. :-)
MaryinCO joined the chat 6 days ago
AlexP: Sandra he is 5'10" but had not had any growth spurt yet. Just slow steady growth
Sandra Dodd: Mine started to get more impatient. Maybe that comes under "mood swings," but might just be that as they start to detach (naturally) from the parents, one mechanism of that is to be more critical of the parents—to see the imperfections.
Sandra Dodd: For some that doesn't happen until they're more grown—20's.
MaryinCO: My 11, almost 12, year old suddently does not like any of his previously favorite foods. It seems to change daily. It is hard to keep up with his cahnging tastes.
AlexP: definitely feelinng the detaching.
Sandra Dodd: How tall are your male relatives, Alex? And Brian's? Is 5'10" possibly maximal?
Sandra Dodd: Oh, right, Mary!! That happened with Holly, especially. She would switch to a new favorite food for a few months. Mac and cheese. Then Ramen. Then one thing or nother.
Robin B.: Same with Senna. :-)
Sylvia Woodman: My SIL went through something like that Mary. She kind of reevaluated the things she liked to eat. Also sometimes that is the age where kids try new diets. Vegetarianism etc.
MaryinCO: I guess now that I think about it, my daughter who just turned 16 did the same thing.
AlexP: MY family males are either his height or 6'4". brian was 6'1P before he shrunk but he had a spinal fusion at 13 so we dont know how tall he would have been. He has a very short torso with really long legs.
Sandra Dodd: When there's a complaint from the child, though, or a frustration, it can help to think (even if you never say it) about whether it would be different if he were in school.
Sandra Dodd: Sometimes it's something school would make worse.
AlexP: Hi pediatrician thinks he will be at least 6o
Sandra Dodd: Or something that would be the same, school or no school.
AlexP: At least 6'2"
Sandra Dodd: And in school, they can't eat when they're hungry, or sleep when they're tired. Not without getting in trouble. :-)
AlexP: He has always been way above the charts since he was 6 months old he has followed the same curve,, steady. But who knows!
Sandra Dodd: So even if the kid doesn't want your soothing comparison to school, it might make you feel better as a parent, that what you've provided isn't making it worse—that unschooling isn't causing acne, or periods to start, or showers to seem crucial. ;-)
AlexP: Great point and definitely.
MaryinCO: My 17 year old seemed to grow in spurts and need lots of sleep and food. And I just noticed that his acne seems to be getting better without doing anything new.
AlexP: Wehn I have my moments of worry I think what the other choices are and would they be better and not, school would be a nightmare for him.
Robin B.: And although it wasn't always easy for me, each new stage and age for Senna brought me an opportunity to do some more deschooling. Still happening. :-)
Sandra Dodd: Robin, that reminds me.
MaryinCO: He will be 18 next month and I think the acne is something that only time will take care out.
AlexP: Absoultely Robin!
MaryinCO: *care of it.
Sandra Dodd: Sometimes if a parent suddenly is impatient and agitated about the child, it could be that the parent had some sort of unsettled life, or trauma, or challenge or problem at that age, that he or she hasn't ever revisited and so they're kind of scared of the age in their child. It can be a sort of projection of emotions or fears, onto a child just for being 14 or whatever age is damaged on the parental timeline.
Sandra Dodd: Most of my friends' acne went away when they were 19 or 20. Mine, I was more like 35, damn it!
MaryinCO: I am struggling with deschooling as my almost 18 year old is prepping for college. He is prepared and driven to go, but I find my mind wondering about my 13 and 11 year olds.
AlexP: Maryn for some that is true but people like me that had acne all my life that did not work. :) Plus acne can lead to scars and my son is a perfectionist about his skin and wants to treat it.
Marta Venturini: Mine took longer too, Sandra.
Sandra Dodd: Alex, the leprosy movies might help even more then! At least people grow out of acne, and it doesn't scar like leprosy used to in the middle ages! :-)
Robin B.: Mary, don't struggle. :-) What are you wondering about your younger kids?
MaryinCO: My younger boys don't have the same motivation to do anything (It feels like to me) like my older 2 did when they were the same ages. I know comparing is not a good thing to do.
AlexP: I think leprosy will be a great way to make some light jokes about it! he loves stuff like that as when I asked what his SCA character was he said it was filthy peseant g something! He can make fun of himself!
Sandra Dodd: There is a saying: "“I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet”"
Sandra Dodd: aybe it could be re-written to compare acne to leprosy. :-)
Sandra Dodd: "I cried because I had a zit, until I met a man who had no nose."
AlexP: Ha ! I will quote you!
Sandra Dodd: -=- I am struggling with deschooling-=- http://sandradodd.com/battle
MaryinCO: My 16 year old is very busy with volunteering at the humanne society, works at a horse ranch, plays soccer, has multple pets etc. The younger two play video games and watch TV along with playing lego. They are much happier staying at home.
Sandra Dodd: Relax into deschooling. IT doesn't work if you struggle. Read at that link.
Sandra Dodd: Alex, if you quote me, he'll know you told us he had acne. That might not be good for him.
AlexP: so you value working with animals more than playing video games?
MaryinCO: Thanks, Sandra. I just read that page a couple of days ago and bookmarked it becasue I knew I would need to read it again.
Sandra Dodd: lego is awesome.
Robin B.: Videogames are awesome.
Sandra Dodd: Reading a page doesn't help.
Sandra Dodd: You read it and still wrote in public that you're struggling.
AlexP: I wont quote you but give me permission to say it without giving you credit!
Sandra Dodd: The parts that help are the doing, and waiting.
Sandra Dodd: Read a little, try a little, wait a while, watch.
MaryinCO: True. So how do I let it go?
AlexP: value what they are doing and see all the learning and possibilites
Sandra Dodd: Stop using that term. Relax.
Sandra Dodd: Read a little, try a little, wait a while, watch.
Sandra Dodd: Alex, you don't need anyone's permission to quote them without credit, at your house, to your kid. :-)
Virginia W: Play video games with them
AlexP: Get to know what it all takes to play video games. Do you know how many people make a living, and much more money than animal work, with video games?
Sandra Dodd: You do these things:
Sandra Dodd: http://sandradodd.com/deschooling
MaryinCO: Ah . . yes, I do need to relax. My kids tell me to relax.
AlexP: thank you Sandra
Robin B.: http://sandradodd.com/videogames/ and http://sandradodd.com/tv might also help
MaryinCO: Thanks for the links.
Robin B.: Halfway down the videogame page, that's my daughter (a stay-at-home introvert) at Blizzcon in her costume with 20,000 other people. :-)
AlexP: The words you use color and shape your thoughts. Start by rephrasing them.
Robin B.: It can help to look at your children and their personalities. Parents who are extroverted can be flummoxed by introverted kids and vice versa.
Parvine: Playing video games with my son opened a whole new world for me.
Sylvia Woodman: Yes - Video games have been a great thing for our family! So many hours of fun together.
Sylvia Woodman: Harry is immersed in the Fallout games right now. It has led to so many interesting discussions about history and alternative histories. About maps. And, most surprisingly of all, music.
Parvine: Also watching with him his favourite YouTubers...
Virginia W: Those are great games.
AlexP: all the knowledge my son has about history and geography comes from playing video games ! He fell in love with the middle ages speciqlly but has learned so much more because of video games
MaryinCO: I partially join the chat today because I don't have any IRL friends that unschool . I am part of a local unschooling group, but haven't met with them much.
Parvine: I was so excited to have organised a surprise day visit to a gaming convention with him.
MaryinCO: I have been listening to my boys to hear what they are doing and I do have a friend in another state that is beginnning this unschooling journey with me.
Virginia W: I have no local unschoolers. It's not that important.
Robin B.: Senna loves Pokemon, Digimon, Fire Emblem, World of Warcraft, Dragon Age Inquisition, Legend of Zelda and a few others. She's an artist and gain inspiration from the games.
AlexP: I have one locak unschooling friend and we never realLY TALK about unschoolig :)
MaryinCO: I spend a lot of time with people who are very schooling and anti-video games.
AlexP: My son loves loves loves Fallout Sylvia!
Marta Venturini: Parvine, that must have been so much fun! Eyo must have loved it!!!
Sandra Dodd: Mary, you'll gradually gain more confidence.
Virginia W: Because of Fallout New Vegas and Game Theory on YouTube, my daughter knows what the glabella is.
MaryinCO: I type slowly . . . my oldest and I have been discussing the vidoe games he has been designing and whether video games are beneficial. He loves to point out how they are valuable for learning.
Sandra Dodd: http://sandradodd.com/knowledge When you have your own stories, about your own kids, you'll be taller and stronger. :-)
Parvine: Yes he did! all he wanted was to see Jacksepticeye and he did!I am so glad the surprise all worked out :)
Marta Venturini: Cool ;)
Virginia W: My kids love JackSepticEye! So cool.
Sylvia Woodman: We just ordered Fallout New Vegas. We are going to the post office to pick it up.
Sandra Dodd: Read, LOTS, about video games. Consider going to the HSC conference in San Francisco at the end of July, if you can afford it, Mary. The main speaker is Jane McGonigal.
Sandra Dodd: http://www.hscconference.com/workshops-2...
MaryinCO: I have been reading some articles on the HSC website. I will look into the conference. I have been watching and observing my kids more to really see them. .
Sylvia Woodman: Will you be speaking there too, Sandra?
AlexP: Jane McGonigal book is amazing.
Sandra Dodd: yes
Sylvia Woodman: Jane has a TED talk as well if I recall correctly...
Sandra Dodd: I'll be there, and then in England, and then in Phoenix, and then home forever (as I always say, after I get tired of being out and about).
Sylvia Woodman: https://www.ted.com/talks/jane_mcgonigal...
MaryinCO: I have not heard of her before today. Thanks.
Sylvia Woodman: Oh you should check out her stuff!
Marta Venturini: Pam Sorooshian has spoken highly of Jane's latest book.
Sandra Dodd: I'm glad you were here, Mary! There were a few things here that will probably give you a big boost toward confidence and calm
Sandra Dodd: While we were here, Karen James posted something good on Always Learning. She as about to leave to do something in town, but if you're on Always Learning, look for her post.
Sandra Dodd: if you're not on always learning, read some of her stuff here:
Sandra Dodd: http://sandradodd.com/karenjames
Marta Venturini: http://www.amazon.com/SuperBetter-Revolu...
Robin B.: Gotta go. Bye all!
Robin B. left the chat 6 days ago
MaryinCO: I am on Always Learning and read when
MaryinCO: get a chance.
AlexP: this one about video games is amazinghttp://www.amazon.com/Reality-Broken-Gam...
Sandra Dodd: Don't leave it to chance, Mary.
Sandra Dodd: Too many people come and say they're "struggling" (your word today) but that they've been too busy to read links we've sent, or that they're in a discussion but haven't been reading.
MaryinCO: I will make tiime to read.
Sandra Dodd: It's pretty common (and frustrating) for someone to come and ask a question that had been asked in the past week, in a discussion.
AlexP: yes read there. That group changed my life
Sandra Dodd: Your words will trip you. "When I get a chance" and "I will make time" both sound helpless and difficult.
Sandra Dodd: Choose to read.
Sandra Dodd: Make a happy choice. Do it frequently.
Sandra Dodd: http://sandradodd.com/choices
AlexP: Thank you Sandra and everyone for the chat. I got a lot out of it.
Sandra Dodd: I hope MD's happy, in his hibernation! He might be, y'know.
MaryinCO joined the chat 6 days ago
Sandra Dodd: Cocooning seasons for him, perhaps
Virginia W: I'm glad the chat is back.
MaryinCO: I will choose to read more and then try a little, wait and watch.
Marta Venturini: Me too, Virginia! :)
Virginia W: :)
Sandra Dodd: The blog with announcements doesn't seem to be working. It's frustrating. I deleted the membership connection to feedburner—deleted our list and made a new one and joined, and it shows zero members.
MaryinCO: Thank you for the chat today!
Marta Venturini: That is frustrating.
Sandra Dodd: So next week's chat will be the same time, and the topic is abundance
Sandra Dodd: Try to set your own alarms. I will too. :-)
Sylvia Woodman: I'm glad the chat is back too.
AlexP: I signed up again! Does it now show?
Sandra Dodd: I'm going to put this one up fairly raw at the chat transcripts blog so Karen James can read it.
Sylvia Woodman: I have a reminder set in my phone. :)
Sandra Dodd: No, Alex—it shows zero members.
AlexP: hope he is happy too. He has said he was.
Parvine: just tried again for subscription
Marta Venturini: I had signed up again too, Sandra.
Marta Venturini: (just so you know that there were people signing up)
AlexP: I even got the email with the link to comfirm and I ckicked on it!
Sandra Dodd: In the meantime, I'm glad the subscriptions for for Just Add Light still work. :-)
Sylvia Woodman: I signed up too. But so far no reminders have appeared in my e-mail.
Sylvia Woodman: Oh I did too Alex!
Parvine: same here!
Sandra Dodd: 1,671 subscribers to Just Add Light. If those disappear... where will I put a note?
Sandra Dodd: It's frustrating. Sorry.
Virginia W: Thanks everyone.
Sandra Dodd: Read this to feel better. http://justaddlightandstir.blogspot.com
AlexP: Glad it is not affected!
Sandra Dodd: See you next week (or later today somewhere online). Thank you for being here!
Sylvia Woodman: Thanks for the chat! "See" you all next week. <3
Sylvia Woodman left the chat 6 days ago
Sandra Dodd left the chat 6 days ago
Marta Venturini: See you all next week!
M Randolph left the chat 6 days ago
Parvine: Bye!
_______________________________
Sandra Dodd: I came back Saturday, February 6, to leave a note I've just deposited at Radical Unschooling Info about privacy.
Sandra Dodd: Privacy didn't come up much in the chat on teens.
Sandra Dodd: Here's the quote:
Sandra Dodd: There are places between forbidding (which doesn't work) and approving (which isn't legal). If you can set up a "don't ask, don't tell [until you're 21]" relationship, that might be helpful. When I was in public school in the 1960's, pot smoking was not unusual in the parking lot, behind the building, down by the river. Kind in school can do (learn, see) TONS of things the parents would never ask or know about. It can be important for teens to have some of that privacy from parents, even if they're unschooled.
